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* — Book 1. Twilight:

* Edward: Hey.
* Bella: OMG, I'm so silly. And horny.
* Edward: Yes. I'm dangerous. I sparkle.
* Bella: OMG you're a vampire!
* Edward: Yes. Let's go play baseball.
* James: I like your girl, Edward. Gotta eat her.
* Edward: Roar.
* James: Omnomnom Bella.
* Bella: OMG I'm screaming in agony! Yes, I will be a vampire!
* Edward: I'm gonna kill you, James! I'm gonna suck Bella as well. LOLJK you're not a vamp.
* Jacob: Oh, hi there!
* — Book 2. New Moon:

* Edward: Oops, gotta go.
* Bella: OMG don't leave me! OMG I'm so depressed and dying in agony again.
* Jacob: Oh hi there! I'm a semi-naked shape-shifter! (I mean, a werewolf!)
* Bella: OMG I don't miss Edward anymore, I love you Jake!
* Alice: Edward is gonna kill himself!
* Bella: OMG no! BRB Jake, you're not important anymore.
* Edward: I'm going to do the worst ever. I will sparkle Italians to death.
* Volturi: You suck.
* Bella: OMG leave him alone!
* Volturi: OK, leave now bitches.
* Jacob: I love you, Bella.
* Bella: OMG I love Edward more, bye!
* — Book 3. Eclipse:

* Victoria: I'm back, b***h! I'ma cut you!
* Bella: OMG no!
* Edward: I'ma protect you, dinner! (I mean, Bella)
* Jacob: I want to kill her too!
* Riley: I will kill you!
* Bella: OMG I'm frozen!
* Edward: s**t I'm so cold and can't get you hot.
* Jacob: Move on b***h, I will warm this whore.
* Victoria: You missed me bitches?
* Edward: I killed James, you t**t! Now you're dead!
* Bella: OMG kiss me Jake! Kay, gotta go I'm marrying Edward.
* — Book 4. Breaking Dawn:

* Edward: I don't want to ******** you, Bella. Marry me first.
* Bella: OMG s**t, okay.
* Jacob: My heart is broken!
* Bella: OMG and so is my water! I've been prego for 3 days and now my baby is ready to go!
* Edward: Oh no, a monster!
* Renesmee: I'ma kill you, mom :3
* Volturi: We're gonna kill that b***h, she's a monster.
* Bella: OMG finally I'm a vampire! I'ma protect ma man and ma family and some other random bitches.
* Volturi: Fine, you won.
* Jacob: Bella I never loved you. I wanna ******** your daughter.