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Dear Austin, (authors note: the original letter was completely crossed out and never sent, so A never read what R sent him)
Dear A,
I've sat next to you for half the school year now. I've gotten to know you as much more than the handsome blond jock with the smile
Dear A,
Congratulations on passing. Not that I didn't think you could do it that it is. It's just that
Hey,
Listen I've been meaning to tell you
A,
Look, I've gotten to know you pretty well since December. I don't see the smooth, blond jock that's way out of my league anymore. I see the sarcastic, occasionally dorky, smart, insightful friend that once, only once, offered to share his breakfast with me. I see the boy that could be soothing and serious when I thought all was going to pieces and in the next second turn around and make me laugh at the stupidest thing.
Hey,
I've been meaning to say thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me this year, the advice, the compliments, the cheering up, the knocking me down a notch when my ego got too big for me, and most of all for offering me, once and only once, the last bite of your breakfast which I refused.
A,
Ok this is my last chance to say this. I've been trying to write you this stupid letter since I discovered I was never going to get another chance. Call me slow, but for some reason I didn't realize until yesterday, saying good bye to you, that today would be the last day I saw you and that I had so much left to say still. You're a good friend, A : the best English partner a junior could hope for.
When I first realized that you would be in my English class, a senior among juniors due to some schedule mishaps, I thought to myself: This is my chance. To get to know him, but for the first half of the school year, you and I barely talked. I had the stupidest, silly, school girl crush on you and for some reason thought that my life would finally be a fairy tale. I thought that the blond, popular jock would turn around and see the nerdy girl that was too quiet to speak up, and he would say hello and then everything would be ok. I would become pretty magically overnight; I would become popular and be able to go to prom and smile and laugh with all the cool kids; I would become valuable, wanted, for the first time in my life after having my best friend constantly picked over me.
And then I got sat next to you. And I realized that you were a jerk. You were egotistical, sarcastic to the point of insulting, and occasionally just over all rude. And you were smart. You had so many thoughts on everything: religion, politics, gender equality and life in general. You were nice to me some days, awful to me others, and on either occasion you made me laugh just as much because I knew you never meant a mean thing you said. Even when you insulted everybody, you were everybody's friend, but to this day I don't know if you were truly happy.
I have learned that those who smile biggest feel the saddest and yours was the biggest smile I ever saw. But maybe you're the exception. Maybe the guy, whose favorite color is yellow, is genuinely happy all the time. Maybe the guy, who told me when he was going to dump his girlfriend and had a conversation with me about it and then ended up not breaking up with her, is just more capable of smiling than the rest of us. I don't know. I do know that I used to have the silliest crush on you and I never told you. I was going to tell you. It was my plan all along to tell you, but I had a boyfriend and you had a girlfriend and we both seemed happy. So I decided that the last day I saw you, possibly for forever, I was going to give you this note and not watch you read it. I was going to tell you everything I thought about you, all the thoughts I had never said out loud, and pray you didn't laugh.
A , I had a giant crush on you, and then I learned who you really were. I learned not to judge a blond jock by his hair color and sport. And I learned that there are two kinds of crushes. One that is stupid and silly that people have on celebrities and one that people have on friends. I have had both kinds of crushes on you. Congratulations on graduating high school. Good bye and good luck.
-R
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