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I think I'm going mad. I've been told I talk while I sleep. Barking orders at people in my dream but aloud so anyone awake can hear. My night terrors used to be something like that, but now I dont get them much anymore. One time I couldn't tell if I was in a dream or in reality. They both seemed so real. I know I talk with myself a lot. Arguing whether or not to do something meaningless. Ramblings of non-sense while pacing the house. Connecting irrelevant subjects and intertwining them into something so bizarre. Vociferously shouting at myself for no apparent reason.
I bet your thinking I'm crazy. Well...your right. Probably understating the word but oh well. I haven't been able to sleep good lately. And I don't think I can take much more of it. It's going to drive me insane! Not to mention school and catching up on late work. Procrastination is the key to failure. Trust me I'm a master of it. I'm surprised I actually got this far in school. I mean I know I'm intelligent but still. I guess I could thank my common sense for it. However, it hasnt saved me from my other mistakes though. And I blame myself everyday for things I've done to people.
Whether it was long ago or recently. I regret nothing. It will make me a better man in the end. It will make me wiser. Hopefully, I can save the next fool in line before they ruin themselves like I have. I'm crazy enough I could go on for weeks talking about the nonsense I say and the uncanny things I do. I'd have a rap sheet longer than a highway by now! Might be over-exagerating it but I dont care. I'll drive myself insane pretty soon. Not much can change that. As I've said before I think about many things in life. Too many things. If only i could've realized my fault before. If only I had the cares I have now, maybe no one would be hurt by my actions. Wow.
I've typed this much already? See what I mean? The madness is taking over. Maybe...just maybe...deep inside me might be able to ward off the madness and eradicate most of it. What would life be without a little madness?
I should look at the stars sometime. I have over 300 some friends and most couldn't care less about me. Not that I blame them. Well...actually I kinda do but due to the way I am I can see why. But it still doesnt mean I should be alone.
Next subject...Loneliness...It's what keeps me from being social. Just because I have problems doesnt mean I should be completely alone does it? Family doesn't count. Family bonds are different...much different. Friendship though? It's forged through something much totally different. Family is joined by blood. Friends are joined through conflict. The fires of conflict can join people who struggle together for survival. (What the ********?! I really am going crazy. Most of this doesnt make any sense!) I havent noticed till just now, but I laugh for no reason. Some would say it's the ability to laugh freely without restraint. But my laughing is different. I dont know how but I feel it's because of a deeper reason. Much deeper...
Oh by the way, Happy New Years people! have any new years resolutions? I havent thought of any yet but I will eventually. See how I keep switching between totally different subjects at a moments notice? Even stranger, I'm commenting on it too!
I fear only one thing. Not snakes. Not spiders. Not wolves. Not monsters. Not apparitions. Not the undead. Not god (if there is one.) Not the devil. Not eternal hell.
Not even death itself. I fear that I will be washed away like an unwanted stain of time. As if I never exsisted. As though I had never walked the Earth. Blown away like smoke in the wind. Whisped off into nothingness. I want to be remembered. I want ages to come and people know of what I've done. To be talked about, even for a brief moment. Or even if it was only by one group of people who I've been passed along down the centuries.

I think I'm about done typing my nonsense now. I'll likely repeat some of this in later documents. If not already. Nothing is true...Everything is permitted.