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Ah, the alleged birthday of my Lord. Ya know, I was told that he was merely found around this time of year and that actually he was born around October. Not only that, but the date 25th was chosen to accomadate the pagans turning to the Christian faith.

I guess that's why I never liked decorating the Christmas tree, or dolling up the house with lights, and why I told my sister that Santa was really Jesus, which is why she never saw him.

I can't see the point in it. We've seemed to belittle Christmas to the pagan standard, instead of bringing them up to ours. Why? Because the wheats need to be a bad wrap before we can leave this place.

Don't you feel the pressure coming in around you from all these weeds? I'm choking! This very weekend, my bowls cramped, and a migrane cramped around my left eye like none other. I just kept telling my frame to hold on just a bit longer. I can't get harvested yet.

This Christmas time, I met someone I'd really get to know on a more personal basis. I think my faith maybe a little weird to him, but I still want to share it with him. I love him, not in a weird ***** way, but in a sincere "I'd never be able to live with myself knowing you weren't saved" type of love. Perhaps such a feeling is the greatest gift I could get this year.

But before I pray for him, I have to pray for myself. Make sure my life is together. It's hard, Brides of Christ. All I can think about is him. I'm strong, I rely on my Christ and all my troubles are minimal. However, his suffering is what cripples me now. I can't bare to hear about his heartache anymore-- and I don't even think I know the half of it. I pledged to try and make a difference in his life. I want the two of us to grow together in Christ. Gawd, I dream for the chance to grow with someone intricately-- but I never find that person.

I feel like a cultivating wheat, being pruned and shaped for the man of my dreams. I invision myself as a bridesmaid with a giant tub of oil. I've been waiting for my husband forever!! But I'll outlast the competition and be the last one standing-- and he'll be mine!

So maybe I'm not supposed to grow with someone, or at least the man I should marry, but still--- I really want to be there for that guy. n_n;