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So, while writing this the song that played on Pandora was Evil Angel by Breaking Benjamin. Ignore the title, I just couldn't think of anything to name it.


This past week and a half I've been having a tough time. I've been crazy emotional (I blame the medication I'm taking) and I've been sad constantly. I just don't know what to do to push myself and get back into my happy, usual self. I'm usually not this crazy. I usually have one or two days a month where I'm sad or emotional, but lately, I've been sad and emotional constantly.

One of the reasons is that I just miss my boyfriend. I miss him to the point where I realize just how long it's going to be until I can see him again. It physically makes me hurt, my chest will start feeling heavy, and I'll start choking up. I usually am not like this. I guess that if he really wants to see me he'll make an effort.. I know that's not really fair, but he's always busy when I ask him to come over lately. He always has something going on...

These past two weeks, I've hardly seen him. I overthink a lot of things and for a while I thought I did something wrong or something. I know he has work all of this week, but I wish that I could at least get an hour after work or even twenty minutes. I would take whatever I could get... I don't know. I feel like I'm going crazy. I just kind of feel like I'm not worth his time lately. I don't talk to him on skype, we don't text eachother much, and as I've stated, I haven't seen him recently.

I have an issue of driving people away. Everyone that has come into my life has left me at one point or another. It's terrifying and I'm really scared that I maybe am pushing him away. I really hope that's not the case. I really hope that I'm just overthinking and that he's just been super busy lately.I really hope that he still wants me, heaven knows how much I want him. I really hope that he doesn't leave. I'm in far too deep to lose him...