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Before gong to work, I wake up a realization that I had several times.. But I guess this time it just clicks harder than ever:

That I was never the boyfriend. I was just the manipulator. That I was some sick clergy man, trying to prove that my love was genuine in means of infidelity... That I was so in love with you as a person that my body could not sway my emotions.

In reality, I was exactly what I called other men out to be: A lying a*****e pig.

Yet... I didn't lie about my feelings and emotions. I didn't lie to you about those dreams we made and I never neglected the times you spoke to me in emotional/happy moments.

What I want more than anything is just a chance to actually be the boyfriend that I said I would have been. That one whom made sure you were well when you walked in, food ready for you, and some water drawn for a bath. I know, I said it all before... But I...

I just... I want to finally make you proud of me... I want to be proud of myself that I can be yours and only yours. Your faithful Inu who only gives you all of his heart... I just want to be together with you.

Maybe I really lost any chance...