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....Very few know of how depressed i actually am behind the cravins and the smiles, and the random silliness.

But i'm comin clean now.

I have issues. and no, i dont mean it in the playful way i usually say it. I have real issues.

turns out i have a number of mental disorders, but can't even remember half of them.
hell...my memory is one of the problems.
my damn Depression is another.

in two days, i can officially claim that forby and i have been together for a whole year. and you know? it turns out, we might break up before we hit the year mark.....
i dont want that.....i really dont.....

I do though, want him happy, i want all my friends happy, but i dont seem to help any.

my depression from this and many other things are bringin terrible thoughts and ideas back into my head
ideas i swore i'd never let take a hold of me again.

I know i'm no use to you all, but i'm actually cryin right now. I mean, out loud, crying.....i'm scared...i really am scared.....
I dont know what to do with myself...
I just....i want to be held....i'm not jokin around with this...I want to be held...i want someone to comfort me...but i just feel alone....i've never said this before, but god....i need it.....
I'm a ******** 18 year old mental case! some one.....help...please....

I can't do anything for anyone i and i wanna just slam my head against a ******** wall until i bust a vessel and bleed to death on my bedroom rug! I FEEL LIKE I LOST MY ******** MIND!!!

.....Some one....please....