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Here I am again, that wonderful 3 in the morning "I got a serious headache but I can't sleep because all I'm doing is thinking of you" post. Thought I was getting better at keeping away from this site, you know... So I wouldn't be dragging you down or anything. But yeah, what sort of ******** would that be if I were? Means either I really did finally move on or I just found a girl to take my mind of you for sometime...

And funny enough that there are some candidates for such a role. Yet recently, I've been entertaining the idea more than I really should... But I'm enjoying myself... Flirting again, feeling like someone actually wants me, making someone smile with a few soft spoken words. It gets me going again and remember why I use to flirt around so often.

But it's not the ******** same! Sure, I'd feel hot and my head might sway left and right after some saucy comments... But I'm not ALIVE like I was with you. I'm not paralyzed and howling at you, hungry for so much more.. They aren't no where NEAR your status. Saying things to me in a manner of a mistress to her servant, I crack back with a glare because no one can keep me in that position unless it's under your heel.

Inhales for a moment and exhales

But it's not the sexual things that I miss. It's just the company and what you really meant to me. I've said it a thousand times just how much I love you... But what really hurts is losing someone that I could confine to about so many things. Someone that I could call randomly throughout her day and know that she'd drop whatever she was doing just to see what was up. Hell! Even work while talking to me! The conversations were never anything too crazy... but you always listened to me. I knew that no matter what I said... You'd give it some sort of thought, even if you wanted to kill me over how stupid my comment was.

How we'd talk throughout the entire day without noticing anything wrong with it. Sharing each and every little moment that would happen or any ideas that would be inspired. If one couldn't reach the other through Skype or a call, an email or PM would suffice... We were always so ******** connected. And I can't stop hating myself for losing such an amazing woman like you...

Up all night, even if it was a work night, to talk to me about anything or let me vent out about anything. Gave me the truest advice when I needed someone to tell me how it was, not how I wanted it. Held me close when I felt that I couldn't handled the world and... the first to ever believe in me and my skills. You were the first to see all the good that I can do past all the bad that I was doing...

And now I'm here, desperately trying to reach out to you and talk to you... Faking each day like, "YEAH, I DON'T NEED HER! I CAN DO THE ADULT STUFF WITHOUT HER AROUND!" while trying my absolute hardest not to break down and cry when I smell your scent around me or see someone who vaguely looks like you. I SERIOUSLY don't want to go on with my life if it isn't going to be with you at it... I don't want to keep waking up and resisting that urge to call or text you just to wish you a good day...

Not the guy to want to fake what I feel though anyone can easily say that I do it all the time, regardless of this. But the truth is, if you should accept it or not, is that I really do miss the most important person in my world. So much to the point that those I talk to keep insisting that I keep trying to talk to you. And there are times that I thumb around your name on my cell phone, thinking if I should even try today or some other day... Sometimes slipping up and just dialing, letting each sound of the dial sink my heart to my feet just HOPING I'd hear you again that day and how painful the reality of everything sinks in when I hit voicemail...

I don't want to walk away... no matter how painful it is to keep going this way. No matter if you already placed a wall I can't get through... This is the path that makes me the happiest, in a weird and very ironic way. I don't want to run down this life of mine, living it up and forgetting the most magical things we've shared together so that one day you'd come back and I... I'd have to be the one to tell you that I fell out and that you lost your chance.

I DREAD that moment. And even if you're reading this and saying, "That'd never happen." remind yourself that you said the same things to me about:
+ Never talking to me when I was 13
+ Never talking to me after the whole break down
Never, and I really do mean NEVER, say NEVER.

So even if that VERY SMALL CHANCE is lower than .000000^negative infinity... If it's there, I'll keep where I am and love you as much as I can. I want to be the Artemis to your Luna after she kicked him out and didn't expect him to be waiting for her..
(Insert this: https://www.facebook.com/spreepicky/videos/1092094554135575/ )

I'd rather have one day, in however long it takes, read a text from you wondering about me and I smile about it than look at it with a glare and wonder why the ******** you're even bothering when I finally moved on.

Honestly, I want to go back to when things were simple. When all that mattered was talking to each other and making each and every moment count. I don't want to go back to all the lies and pain, I don't want to drag you back to when we fought and argued over stupid s**t... I just want to go back to where Love truly lived and grew between us. When we were just perfect together...