Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

sigh well today went okay as i try to keep my emotions in for awhile, but today as in my meeting for my health insurence and my history of being myself was pretty emotionally wreaking.
as when i was born i was born differently as other kids describe as odd or peculiar, as sometimes i can see and feel whats happening when i'm awake or asleep in that matter.
my family describes as odd or not normal human being as myself.
other people are afraid of me because i know i look normal but in my eyes i see a different and peculiar girl.
so the meeting started out and my health has gotten a little worse as my caebal palsy has gotten worse from mild to modern but hopefully it will stay the way it is.
i can still walk but i drag sometimes when i'm walking.
when they got to the history of my medical problems i started to think about why am i still alive? when my family is not supportive of me at all.
and then after the health girl that was doing my meetings told me if i had any problems with getting a job that will support me. in my own way.
and then after that she said am i getting counseling like the doctor told me to do after the events that happened in my life, then my mom answered she getting on that as well as my dintists and vision appointments.
so after that the meeting girl told me that there is a counseling here that does horses and she gives my mom her card so to make a appointment.
when she told me what if something happened to my mom, then my mom answered she would give me to my brother and i think to myself what happens in the millitary that my brother passes away??? then my mom answered we'll figure it out later.
then finally the meeting girl called me a miracle child and i think to myself i am in rl but people don't realize that in person because they think i'm normal but i'm actually not and i know that i am special needs but i feel like i still don't belong here at all in my eyes as my classmates in school thinks i'm a nobody and barely talks to me and always wants to get me in trouble.
they thibnk i'm a curse in rl and but actually i'm not and if they said i am still well go ******** yourselfs dude and get the ******** outy of my life and leave me alone!~

so after the meeting we went to mr.gattis and almost got 1,000 tickets today because today is also my mom's bf's birthday and when i got home i started to brake out and got all emotional because i keep it in all the time which basically is not good for me but i need to be by myself with a laptop or a journal.

PS.. Happy birthday Jackass who called my mom a whore! and emotionally abuses her!~