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I feel so retarded right now. I feel so ******** violent, angry, and stupid!

Why God?! Why does my sister have to have such RETARDED friends?!! Why do 14 year olds feel that they HAVE to go out and drink and party! Why do they feel that they have to stumble into my ******** house at ******** 2am in the morning to surprise my ******** sister whose already left to the corner store for junk food. Why do they have to leave the house, DRUNK OUT OF THEIR FUKCING MINDS to meet up with her to 'surprise' her? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE AS [********] STUPID THAT I RUN AFTER THEM TO MAKE SURE THAT THEY DON'T RAPED AND KILLED WITHOUT TELLING MY SLEEPING PARENTS!? WHY DIDN'T I GET PARENTAL HELP WHEN WE RAN INTO TWO MORE OF MY SISTERS DRUNKEN FRIENDS AND MY SISTER WHOSE SUPPOSED TO BE OUT AT THE CORNER STORE GETTING JUNK FOOD (thank God that she was sober though or I would have put my foot down right then and there)!!? Why didn't I get someone MORE responsible and capable then my ******** 16 year old self, my 14 year old sister and her semi-sober friend to keep an eye on 3 totally drunk and wasted CHILDREN!!!?

It was Wednesday night and Sara (my 14 year old sister) and her friend Deidra tell me that they're 'going to Mac's (the name of the convenience store) to get junk food. That was probably around 12am or 1am that they tell me this. It was at 2am that Sherry, Kayla and Lisa (her friends that are also 14 years old) decided that they would visit to 'surprise' my sister who was already gone. They where just going to wait at my house till Sara got back until Kayla decided that and kept insisting that they all stumble off to Macs. They had been out my door for 15 seconds all the while I was thinking "Do I leave them on their own? Its 2am in the morning, someone could get hurt. They're all smashed and stumbling around, something will happen in the 6 minute walk down the the convenience store... It'll be bothering me the rest of the night if I don't go.". So, I threw my shoes on (rubber clogs that give me horrible blisters, but hey... we were only going to take a 6 minute walk down to Macs, right?) I was only expecting to ESCORT these kids down to Macs and find my sister (I was getting suspicious because she had taken too long to go to Macs) Half way down the hill we run into my sister and her friend Deidra... and Tanya who is pissed out of her head and being very loud. Deidra was a little tipsy, but sober enough to keep a relatively level head and thank God, my sister is completely sober. I later hear from my sister that as she and Deidra where walking down to Macs they ran into Tanya and and girl nicknamed "Frost". They ened up walking up to a park in Uplands (for those of you who know the area of my town) which is located just before Vouger school and infront of some appartments. Tanya brings out an alcohol and drinks it, offering it to Sara and Deidra. Sara refuses but Deidra takes a bit. That "Frost" chick parts ways and we all coincidentally meet up half way down Abbot street.
I'm a complete fish-out-of-water at this point. Now, I'm not one of those assertive girls that puts my foot down immediately and takes charge. Once I'm out of my element I'm a meek little girl that decides to go with the flow and watch from the background for danger and keeps quite. I'll speak up, but my voice is quiet and only suggestive. I'd say I was out of my element by now. Tanya was especially loud and very vocal about her opinions and getting her way. She suggested that we all go to the Willow tree (or where it used to be in a field near by but it was burnt down a while back) Its a secluded place, near the street but out of the way enough for the girls to enjoy their drunkness and sober up (and only a 2min run from my house) My sister and I decided that we'd just keep and eye on things. Even though these girls where young and doing something they certainly shouldn't be doing, as long as I thought that they kept safe (as safe as their situation could allow) it wasn't worth them getting in the obviously huge amount of s**t that they would be in if their parents found out. Of course I thought of going to my dad at this point but I thought "Our van isn't working, only the work van and that only has 1 passenger seat. Sara and dad aren't on the best of terms when it comes to her friends. Dad would over react after being woken up so early in the morning. I would lose their trust for ratting them out (even though I didn't know these girls" and so I talked myself out of it. After all, no one was getting hurt and no one was in immediate danger. I wasn't thinking at all of what could happen, I was out of my element and I was so unsure of what to do so I just went with the flow, keeping an eye on everyone.

We spent an hour at the willow tree (or where the remains of it where) and the girls where just enjoying playing around... and wow... now I know what girls do when they have a digital camera, its in the middle of the night, no ones around and they have a digital camera... wow. Only Kayla, Sara and Me stayed on the side lines and just watched and laughed along. It was about an hour later when Tanya decided that she wanted to go downtown. Lisa was sobering up and was feeling ill, and kept expressing that she wanted to go home. Deidra who was completely sober as well as Sara and I agreed that we should all take her home. Tanya, Sherry and Kayla all wanted to go downtown and Tanya did her BEST to peer pressure Lisa into going. Lisa finally said that she didn't want to be a spoil sport and followed along, I decided to keep a extra special eye out for her. Even if I left to take Lisa home along with Sara and Deidra, 3 completely drunk 14 year old girls where going to go downtown alone and I really didn't want to let them out of my sight. Tanya decided the teach them the way of "Acting Sober while Tipsy", everyone took a hand and steadied the other. I was really worried now that we where out in the open but everyone was going to leave, with or without me and someone needed to keep an eye on Lisa, or so I told myself. By now it was 3 am, there where 6 of us, and I was always taught that if you stayed in a big group confrontation where less likely and no one looked or acted drunk at all. Sara was keeping an eye out for cars to memorize license plates it anyone made an attempt to pick anyone up or if anyone succeded. As Deidra expressed grumpily; it was like babysitter a bunch of preschoolers. Fortunately the west side of my town was COMPLETELY deserted, not a living soul out (it was kinda creepy) Of course it could always be seen as a bad thing as no one could hear you scream.
By the time we got the the foot bridge, the one that crosses over the river to get to the downtown area Lisa finally put her foot down and said that she wanted to go home. By now I was getting used to the situation and me, Sara and Deidra stood up with her and managed to subdue Tanya's barrage of peer pressure (seriously, that chick was really trying to get her way, I was SERIOUSLY appaled by her behaviour) It was at this point that I realized that I should have gotten some sort of parental help, or call someone before things had spiraled so out of control from the simple escorting of the drunks to the posse of drunks that I couldn't control the situation on my own and definately not with my lack of experience. Unfortunately I didn't have a quarter for a pay phone and my house was too far away and Kayla, Sherry and Tanya where going to go downtown with or without us. What was I going to do? Lisa's house was really far away, it would take us almost an hour to walk there and back. It was really late out and it wouldn't do to send Lisa and another 14 year old girl all alone up to her house that was near bush and out of the way. But what about the 3 drunk girls going into town? Someone could pick them up. Finally Deidra just told me to take Lisa and for Sara to go too. She could handle the 3 of them enough to keep anything from happening. There would be police patroling the area (we could already see a car), their group was smaller then before by only by two, in town there where some shops open they could go to, and there was a police station in town. I really didn't like the situation and was seriously wishing that I had my drivers license at the moment and just drive everyone home, I was starting to feel just how late it really was. Even though our group was split in half, it was in the middle of the week and hopfully no weirdos would be out. It was a stupid situation and I was really regretting getting involved. Tanya said that afterwards we'd meet up at Macs, and so, we parted ways until we'd meet up again.

As we began the walk back to Uplands Lisa began to express her worry of getting caught. Apparently she would have her privigedges suspended indefinately and she wasn't exaderating. She'd never be allowed to associate herself with any of the friends involved EVER again. She was starting to feel a hangover coming on and we did our best to comfort her, but also to urge her to keep moving, she vowed that she'd never get drunk again. It took us about half an hour to reach her house, at least one of my escorting tasks had gone the way it was supposed to, by now the sun was rising and I began to feel relieved that this was all almost over (I had a provincial exam the next day TT__TT ) Me and Sara walked back (it was all down hill from there, thank God. My stupid shoes gave me killer blisters on each of my feet that was making it difficult to walk) We made it to Macs in a little less time then it took us to walk to Lisa's house. We bought some fruitopia to drink as we waited, no one was there yet. We only waited for a few seconds before we decided that it would be best if we kept walking until we ran into them. Fortunately they where just 30 seconds away, I was relived that they where alive and whole. It was finally time to call it a night (or day, as that was the case. It was ******** 5 am in the morning)
Once again we walked up Abbot and up to Allard St. (my street) Tanya turned to go to her house and Sherry and Kayla, who where spending the night at Lisa's house headed to her house. I was practically asleep on my feet and most all of the girls had sobered up. Me, Sara and Deidra headed to my house to finally go to sleep.

Apparently our little escapade went unnnoticed for the most part. Lisa's dad had heard Kayla and Sherry come back into the house noisily and decided to talk to them about it later.
No one got hurt and I would have happily put that entire ordeal behind my and forget about it. For Lisa and Sherry it was their very first time being drunk. Sara told me that it was almost surreal that night, nothing seemed real because everything was just so weird. She had never seen everyone drunk and together and they acted differently, like it wasn't real.

Unfortunately the next night Lisa, Kayla, Allison and another girl went out AGAIN, got drunk and this time where caught. I only heard this later from my sister. All of Lisa's privigedges where stripped from her FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE. She wasn't allowed to see any of her friends EVER AGAIN. Her father questioned Kayla apparently and a story came out that I'm not so sure of. But apparently Lisa wrote a letter to her MOTHER who lives in Alberta (we live in British Columbia) telling about the night that I was involved in. I don't know WHAT happened, but some how the two nights where merged together. Lisa's mother IN ALBERTA, phoned my dad and told him the twisted version. Which intailed that I was involved in getting, or not preventing, the consuption of more alcohol as well as my sister was involved. Apparently, after I had run into Tanya, Deidra and Sara we went out and got MORE alcohol and I drank too. (note: I'm a ******** cube, I'M THE NEXT DIMENSION OF A SQUARE. I don't drink, I never will. I HATE THE STUFF AND I THINK THE PEOPLE WHO DRINK IT UNDERAGE ARE BEING [******** RETARDS) Also, Lisa's dad during that night found her hunched over on a law puking her guts out when we had ESCORTED HER to her ******** house. Not only that but Lisa's dad was NOT out looking for her that night.
I don't know Lisa's mother personally so don't quote me on this, but I've heard that she spoils Lisa and practically thinks that Lisa can do no wrong (Lisa's dad too, but to a lesser extent apparently) and so I think that the whole thing might have been blown out of preportion. But she obviously cares enough to phone from ALBERTA to BRITISH COLUMBIA to my father, when Lisa's father was just a 20 minute walk from us. And some weird a** story came out, whether from Lisa, Kayla, Lisa's father or the mother herself. Now according to both of their parents... I'm... well I don't know WHAT her father thinks of me because I don't know what story HE heard (again, I have NO ******** idea how these stories got mixed together when there was NO RELATION between them and who the ******** made it up) But I feel PISSED that my name and my sisters was dragged through the mud when I was doing my best on my own (with Sara and Deidra) to keep those girls safe and made sure to escort them home ONLY TO HAVE THOSE IDIOTS GO OUT DRINKING THE NEXT ******** DAY!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know HOW the story from the previous night came out, I'm guessing that they cracked under pressure. And after telling what had happened that night and then suddenly telling what happened the previous night maybe the two mixed. Though I have NO ******** clue how alcohol was involved when me and Sara where there. After me and Sara came into the picture there was NO MORE ******** ALCOHOL. I'm not sure if the girls who went into town tried to bum some off of someone else (which is ******** RETARDED) I'm not sure if after that point they mangaged to get their hands on some. But, the entire time I was there no one came into the possesion of anymore alcoholic beverages (except Sherry who sipped some beer from Tanya's cousin when ran into them infront of the walking bridge. If I had been closer to her I would have stopped her, but I was comforting Lisa who was making her final decision to go home but was feeling VERY ill at the time and needed to sit down) But there was no purchasing anything, other they a ******** sip by one person there was nothing. I plan on some how sorting out this situation wit Lisa's dad and telling him what really happened. Apparently, according to Sara, Lisa is the type of person to victimize herself to soften the blow of punishment. She might have twisted words and made me and the others like the bad guys. This fact really pisses me off, especially when I only got involved with that situation to keep 3 of Sara's retarded friends from getting themselves killed. I managed to have a civil conversation with my dad and tell him what really happened. He said that I should have immediately came to him, but what they hell? I mean, when I left the house at 2am, I thought I was just going to escort those kids down to the conveniece store and meet up with my sister. By the time we got to the willow tree everyone was having fun and no harm was coming of it, though I was starting to get nervous. I know I should have, but I never truly considered involving my parents... our relationship just doesn't work that way, we're not 'involved' enough with each other for them to be the first people I'd confide in for this kind of situation, I mostly rely on myself and I didn't even think of my parents other then the thoughts when things got iffy. I believed that I could handle the situation and by the end of the day everyone got home safe. They of course, shouldn't have been in that situation in the first place, but I wasn't there with they when they actuall comsumed the alcohol, so I couldn't prevent it. I got chewed out by my dad because I didn't tell him about it, I didn't see the need to because everyone got home safe and I didn't want to ruin it by getting everyone in trouble, especially my sister and Lisa; Sara and Deidra thought the same. I'm 16 years old, I don't just go to my parents about every problem. I could have tried to be more assertive and talked those girls out of going downtown (I did try a bit, Sara Deidra and I wanted all of us to walk up to Lisa's as a group and then walk back and go around town with them to keep an eye on them but they wouldn't hear of it) All in all, no one was hurt, people where forced to take responsibility for their mistakes, like Lisa, so I'd call this a learning experience. I'll remmeber my father's advice. He was glad to hear that me and Sara weren't out drinking with them but he was severly disappionted that we didnt' get adult help immediately. I didn't get grounded (yet, he might do something tomorrow >.> wink but he told me what I should do if a situation similar to this should arise again. All I have to do is clear mine and Sara's names concerning Lisa and her parents. I don't know what story came out, but I'd like to hear their version and then tell them mine (or at least her father) I know that Lisa will still be grounded indefinately so even if Sara's name was cleared and the nature of hers and mine involvement was revealed they still would be unable to see one another... but I just can't put my mind at ease thinking that someone hates or dislikes me for the wrong reasons, its one of my pet peeves, it just makes my skin crawl.

Well, this was a long entry. I just hope that Lisa didn't completely forsake her friends to make herself seem victimized when our story was told. I know they story wasn't told well because it mutated into something else that involved events that never occured but hopefully eveything will turn out for the better.

Ja ne