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heart I know it's over played and over used. "New X New me!"

But seriously?
I live in a new place.
I'm separated from my spouse.
I had an interview and nailed it so I have the first job in over a year.

I don't live in a place infested with bed bugs and roaches anymore, I'm not seeing Blue with her shiny new younger woman all the time now, I'm not worrying about family members that are sick, I'm not in a place where it's a health hazard from leaking gas- faulty electricity - no heat - and three adults sleeping in a living room - or holes in the floor big enough for a grown man to fall through. For the first time in a long time... I'm safe.

I'm safe, I don't have to worry about food, I'm not constantly trying to impress someone or worry about being the perfect wife to anyone. I can focus on me, i can be greedy and take time for myself. I have a job, I have a goal, I'm not just aimlessly going from day to day trying to scrape by a survive.

If there was ever a time to become a better version of myself, to work on treating myself better and learning self value - it's now. When I'm safe. When I am starting a new job and having my own money with just myself to worry about.

I still love Blue very much. They are the person I fell in love with at 17 (currently twenty years ago.) They are the person I married and had kids with. I will always love them. And right now they want to be back together, and while I want to.. I don't want to be back in the same situation we were in before. All the same "I wish" while unable to actually do anything about it.

So.. I have to focus on what's the best, and healthiest for me.