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Over

I felt you touch,
And smiled,
I heard your voice,
And just sighed,
But once I got your call,
I was shattered,
I give up,
I’m done with love,
I’m done with trying,
I don’t want this anymore,
My hearts gone,
And I’ll keep it that way,
I don’t want it back,
If it means pain,
I’ll just stay this way,
Hollow inside,
And not care,
Not love,
And not want you back,
So much it hurts,
It’s all over,
And done,
So I say my good bye,
And have a great life,
…With out me.
~DL~



Fading Memory

I sit here lost in this thought,
I wonder what you’re up to,
So lost in thought am I,
That my blood starts to slow,
My hands turn cold,
In my mind,
I wonder,
Are you still mad at me?
Are you lost in thought your self?
Do you wonder about me,
Like I do you?
Would you look at me the same?
What’s going through your mind?
I lose my train of thought,
I feel my cold hands,
They stay so cold,
I start to shake,
I feel something run down my cheek,
My hand raises to touch it,
As I pull my hand back,
I see it,
I see my tears,
How long has it been?
How long since I last cried?
If it really worth crying over you?
Again?
I already lost you,
You made sure of that,
But I lost you,
I doubt your coming back,
I doubt you even care now,
I don’t think you ever did,
Never once,
Life’s not fair,
Never was,
Never will be,
But,
That was harsh,
I shake more and more,
My hands are still so cold,
My minds so blank,
Not a thought passes through it,
But I know you’re in my mind,
You always seem to be,
The only time I ever know my thoughts,
Are when I don’t want to remember,
Or when I just sit there bored,
And they just enter,
Never once since I can remember,
Have I had a conches thought,
They just seem to work behind a wall,
The music playing,
I hear it,
But I can’t think of why it gets to me,
I’m blank,
It’s weird,
No thoughts,
Just nothing,
I lose my self to nothingness again,
My hands are so cold,
I sit there,
I type,
But,
The words,
The words of this poem,
The words never cross my mind,
This new song,
Lonely,
Makes me wish to cry,
But,
Why?
I don’t know,
I feel hurt,
Sad,
And a bit alone,
I don’t know why I feel this,
I have no thoughts that I know of,
I use to think I loved you,
But,
I don’t think I can feel love,
I’m not sure I can,
I don’t even know if it’s real,
My hands are so cold,
There still shaking,
I’m not sure if it’s from the cold,
Or if it’s something else,
I close my eyes,
I feel a tingle run down my body,
I see colors flash behind my closed lids,
I can tell some of them,
But others I can’t,
I wonder,
Do you feel this to,
Or is it just me?
Is not knowing your thoughts,
A trait only held by me,
Or others?
It’s strange,
I’m still typing this poem,
And still no thoughts pass my mind,
None,
Is this something I should be worried about?
I’ve thought it weird,
But again never did it pass my mind while being thought,
As I search my mind,
No new thoughts appear until it seems,
There already thought and stored,
I remember,
A while ago,
Your smile,
Your laugh,
I remember you saying,
We should stay together forever,
Not wanting to live life with out me,
But,
We aren’t,
Are we?
What happened?
Was it when I told you what happened?
Or when I told you what happened from it,
And what I did because of that?
Or was it you just thought it the best time to leave,
Will I ever know,
Or do you like to sit back and laugh,
As I try to find out on my own,
You never told me before you left,
And I haven’t heard from you since,
I don’t know why,
I even bother,
Why do I still care?
I know you don’t,
If you did you would have called,
Or something,
Anything,
But you haven’t,
You don’t care,
I know you don’t,
The last time I heard from you,
You had moved on,
You were happy,
But,
You were kind of upset,
I doubt it was over me,
I knew you only called to make me cry,
Why else would you,
Then never call again?
My hands are still so damn cold,
I feel it but don’t under stand,
It reminds me of you,
How cold you’re hands always were,
Almost every time we held hands,
Your’s were cold,
And mine warm,
But mine are cold now,
This bothers me,
They were never cold before,
But now it seems to happen a lot,
I’m tempted to laugh,
But I know it won’t help,
I want to laugh and forget,
But I can’t,
Your memory won’t leave,
Nothing seems the same to me,
It’s all different,
Even the things I still do the same,
All of it seems different,
Like it doesn’t matter,
Like I don’t matter anymore,
It’s so late at night,
I don’t feel tired,
Just my cold hands,
Would you be awake now?
Just lying there,
Or talking to your love,
Well so called love,
I guess,
Do you even feel anything,
Does holding her make you happy,
Or do you just hold her to hold her,
And not feel a thing from it,
I know as I sit here,
That when ever,
I’ve been held or touched,
In these last months,
That I can’t feel anything from it,
I still smile,
And act happy,
But,
I don’t feel a thing,
Last time I saw my other ex,
I didn’t feel much,
I barely did,
I acted happy for them,
Then shy when they flirted with me,
But I just didn’t feel it,
I acted hurt when they left,
I watched my friends have fun,
But I couldn’t,
Every things different,
Every things wrong,
I don’t know how,
But it is,
I never seem to be able to do much right,
I tend to write,
Or type,
More then anything,
What is this?
I’m holding my memories,
Seeing them,
But I feel nothing,
My memories hold nothing,
I’m not the same,
Neither are you,
Every thing is off,
I remember you saying to never give up,
And I haven’t,
I’m still here,
I’m still breathing,
I don’t feel much,
Or have thoughts,
But I’m here,
Have you given up?
Do you think life’s picking on you,
Or have you forgot,
Forgot every thing you’ve said,
Or done with me?
Do you even know my name,
Or what I remember of you?
Have you ever stopped to wonder,
If you gave something up,
Something you regret,
But won’t go back for,
Because you think you’ll live better,
That not having it around,
Will keep you safer,
Not have to worry so much,
Hoping that that thing is ok,
Wishing you could make sure it was,
But afraid,
Because you can’t be,
Are you happier?
Are you glad?
Is life better?
Easier?
I bite my lip,
I wish,
Just one last time,
That I could see you,
I don’t have to talk to you,
Just see you,
See your smile,
That’s all,
Then I could finally let go,
Finally not want to have you back,
No point in wanting what I can’t have,
No use in wishing either I guess,
It’s not like I’ll get the chance to see you,
Maybe it’s better this way,
Better off,
Forgetting now,
And not hoping to one day see,
What I’ll never be able to touch again,
But I guess right now,
It keeps me going,
Well sort of,
It gives me the hope that I’ll know your happy,
But as I’ve said before,
It’s useless,
I’ll never see you again,
Or hear from you,
It’s kind of easier,
I guess,
I’ve been closing off from others,
Not been talking,
Slowly receding into myself again,
Being cold,
Alone,
It’s better then I remember it was,
I just sit around and read,
Or write,
Not much else to do alone,
I still sometimes talk to others,
But I’m starting to drift away,
I know once I can,
I’ll be gone,
Nothing but a memory to people around here,
I start over and anew,
Somewhere else,
Somewhere where no one knows my past,
No one knows I’m hollow,
Or broken,
Where I can write free,
And not have to worry about those I once knew,
Reading it and thinking I’m insane,
I like to sing,
Though,
I suck at it,
But if I leave,
It won’t matter,
No one will care there,
So here’s what I want to say,
This is my good bye,
And have a lovely life,
For once I can,
I’ll be gone,
Like I sound on the breeze,
That will fade away,
Good bye,
I’m just a fading memory,
That every one will glad to be rid of,
Well so I hope,
But hey you never know,
I hope I’ll be a forgotten memory,
And as that goes,
You’ll forget it all,
But I won’t,
I’ll remember everything,
I’ll be the only one to know,
The only one to know.
~DL~



You

I heard your voice again,
God how I missed you,
But I can’t tell you that,
Nor can I say I missed you,
What would be the point if I did?
I know you said you missed me,
But only called after reading my poem,
Not before,
What can I say?
After I heard your voice,
And hung up the phone,
I cried,
God I cried,
I scared a few of the people I was talking to,
I was crying that much,
But you didn’t know,
And won’t know,
I doubt you will ever read this poem,
I hope you don’t,
I don’t know why,
Just have a feeling,
You only read them to know what I’m thinking,
Not that you really care,
In truth I doubt a lot from you right now,
I wish I didn’t,
But I do,
Maybe one reason,
Is because you do me,
You don’t trust me after what I did,
Even though you said you missed me,
You still hate what I did,
But,
You don’t know what went through my mind,
You don’t know how hurt I was,
And you don’t know how shattered I was,
When you left,
I am still shattered,
I barely get by,
The only thing I do to keep going,
Is to know your no better off,
I know it’s sad to say,
And think,
But it helps,
You caused part of my pain,
You were the reason I broke,
The reason I’ll never have a child,
Even though I wished to have one,
And still kind of do,
I won’t,
I give up on that dream,
I’ll never have one,
The only child I was ever going to have I gave up,
And since you hated what I did,
I never will try again,
Sure people will be mad I don’t,
But they don’t matter,
The one who did,
Hated me,
So I won’t ever again,
It’s harsh I know,
But I don’t care,
What’s done is done,
I won’t change it,
And you can’t,
Life’s hell,
And I made it worse I’m sure,
But oh well,
Life’s never what you want,
And always what you hate,
If you ever read this,
I’m sure you’ll call,
And ask me,
What the hell I get out of writing it,
If I wished you dead,
All I’ll say is this,
My soul was already broken from having to do what I did,
You were the last person I wanted to hate me for it,
I already hated myself for it,
You were the last peace,
The peace that shattered my soul,
Right now I live with only a vary small part of it,
The rest is scattered,
Where?
I don’t know,
I don’t care,
There gone,
I don’t want them back,
What’s the point?
At the time I needed you,
You shunned me,
You turned away,
And hardly care to call anymore,
I sit here the days I type my little poems about you,
And wonder,
Should I care anymore for you?
Should I care?
You hurt me so much,
Turned away,
Hated what I did,
But I still care,
I still cry over you,
I hold my head high,
As my tears hit the ground,
I act like I don’t notice around friends,
I try to cry alone,
So no one knows the pain I’m in,
I’d like to sit here and think you’re happy,
And forgot me completely,
But I know you haven’t,
No one who knows me,
And says they love me,
Forgets,
It makes me want to hide,
But I don’t I know it wont work,
I wish I could wipe myself from your mind,
Make you forget,
To never know you met me,
Loved me,
Or even touched me,
In time I know you’ll move on,
Not remember so much,
And slowly forget,
Well I hope you will,
I know I never will,
I’ll never forget,
But I wish you would,
You can’t change the past,
Nor should you try,
Life’s unfair,
Everyone knows this,
We hate it,
But know its true,
And can never be changed,
Say I sit here in this dark,
I ask you,
Please don’t think of me,
Or miss me,
Just forget,
Forget a fool,
Who’s lost a lot,
And can never,
Hope to get you back.
~DL~




My Angel

You called me this,
Along with my baby,
But why?
I’m not either,
I know I still love you,
And wish you did too,
But you don’t,
Lives hell,
I understand that,
We won’t try again,
It’s alright,
I should move on anyway,
No need to hold onto a past that’s dead,
I’ll let you go,
And you let me go,
We’ll live,
I know that much,
And maybe,
Just maybe,
We won’t remember,
And just move on,
That would be nice,
To forget,
And move on,
I know it’ll be hard,
But I’m sure you can,
I already know,
If I can or not,
So don’t worry,
Not that you would,
But ya,
Oh well,
I’ll try,
So good bye.
~DL~