being in 'love'. Or 'like', for that matter. Hell, even when you are not involved in the love it hurts. For example, I have a crush on someone. That someone is Answer Guy. I don't know why, exactly. Mostly I think it's because he has such a refreshingly laid back personality. After 8 months with such an excessively negative person he is the perfect cure. He is fine with everything, loves anime and videogames, but doesn't demand that you know every last detail about them like Ron did. From what I've seen he isn't obsessed with music (a trait I HATE in people). The problem? You don't date a friend of a friend, especially when that friend has openly said he would like to go out with you. Interesting Guy happens to be Answer Guy's friend, and if (IF, mind you. I hate it that people seem to think its so easy for me) I managed to get him to go out with me and then we broke up, he'd be in the middle of it all. Not to mention Answer guy doesn't seem to like me much and that he isn't wanting a GF right now.
I've been having major moral dilemas, especialy concerning Mei-chan. I won't discuss them here-they might offend- but I suspect I'll have to talk to her about them sooner or later.
As for being not involved in the like or love, my genderless (not that he's really genderless, just that he seems so different from most guys in that he's not a horny pig, yet not feminine enough to be a girl or gay) friend has GF now. It seems as if he just hates being near me now that he has one. It kinda makes me sad...I've never had a crush on him or anything, but he is one of my more amusing friends and I miss being able to talk to him like I used to. I guess it makes a difference that we don't have a class together this year, but even so, he doesn't seem to even be the same him. I suspect Mr. Flambouyant(sp?) is part of it.
See, I think that the reason Genderless is acting different is because flamboyant is really his more female side personified. He just leapt right out of him and left nothing but the purely masculine side. He looks almost Identical. ....Its kinda sad. I always thought that his genderless quality made him...I donno....elflike or something like that.
Anywho, personality conspiracies aside, I spose...maybe I'm ok. I've realized most of my male friends are gay, so I'm not likely to get a BF anytime soon, but I spose I'm fine with that. I don't need a guy to make me happy. I do tend to make more friends when I don't have one and that makes me happy. At the same time though, I can't help but feel lonely when I see everyone else in a happy perfect relationship.
I ******** NEVER had anyone but my female friends give me stuff on Valentine's day. For once I'd like to know what it's like celebrating that damned holiday when it actually MEANS something to me. Those stupid pink and red paper hearts and little slutty girls carrying around roses and stuffed animals do nothing but remind me how alone I always am. Wanna guess how many BFs Ive actually had? Two. But everyone always assumes that I have no trouble getting boyfriends. The people I attract, I don't like like that. I don't crush easy and I don't go out with just anyone.
....what the hell am I saying? I'm not alone. I have lots of friends. DAMN YOU HUMAN EMOTION! DAMN YOUUUUUUUU! *slaps self* Stop being such a sorry lonely little monkey!
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If I need to talk but have no one to talk to or I feel I need to write through my problems, it goes here. I do not use names. If I do, it's because I either have no respect for the person, or I accidentally slipped.
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Teki
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