Well, its National Suicide Day, a.k.a. National Single Awareness Day, Alias Valentine's Day. Yippee skippee. Its not like my day was bad or anything. In fact, it was better than most days. I had some fun with helium balloons, got loads of chocolate, and I got to hug the guy I have a crush on (twice ^^) and I made him laugh (whether at me or with me still remains to be seen...but so long as I keep laughing I spose he doesn't have a choice but to be laughing with me, eh?) which is always good. I like making people laugh whee . Also, he said my outfit was cool, which made me very happy. Alot of people did, actually. I felt special.
The only bad part was it made me realize just how much I do like this person and at the same time how terrified I am to get into another relationship. I don't think I'm ready to face rejection yet, so I haven't exactly had the guts to tell him I like him, or to ask him to come hang out with me at least. This also worries me, because what if he does like me, but he thinks I don't like him and he ends up going out with some one else. Then not only will I be sad, but Ill be in a jealous rage. Scary.
I also realized how irritating it is to hear about other people's happy relationships when you yourself are pursuing one and getting almost nowhere but deeper in ....like....with the person. i am happy for them yes, but at the moment, since what I want is to be able to be close to this special person, the last thing I need to hear about is how badly they want to make out with their special person that they HAVE. Not one they just WANT. I dont mean to be bitchy, but I just dont want to hear about it right now.
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If I need to talk but have no one to talk to or I feel I need to write through my problems, it goes here. I do not use names. If I do, it's because I either have no respect for the person, or I accidentally slipped.
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