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Well, I posted this on a different website first, so ignore the part about the teacher.

Well, I drove all the way to Ann Arbor... It was just me, my sister, and Stacy. That was pretty fun. We went to Wizzywig's and The Vault of Midnight. The Vault was kinda boring, besides the hilarious, big boobed action figures. Wizzywig's was pretty cool. I knew just what I wanted to buy, so I purchased all my stuff pretty quickly. Taylor and Stacy took forever to get something though. They couldn't decide what they wanted (plus I was the only one out of us three who has a job, so I had a lot more money). I spent somewhere around two-hundred dollors on stuff that will have no impact on my life what-so-ever. Fun fun. I bought three action figures, two of them being fifty dollars each, and the other twenty six. Then I bought a couple of cell phone charms, this hilarious looking, really fat, really random bird plushie, and some candy. I'm spent. Well, I actually had seventy dollars left, but then I bought Mom a present on our way home to thank her for letting us take her van all the way to Ann Arbor, and as a Valentine's gift. I got her a really soft steering wheel cover. I'm thinking about getting her a cool hood ornament too, but I don't really have any more money. I had to spend the rest on food for us. Now I have like... A few dollars... But I think it was money well spent. I was getting tired of saving it up anyways. I can't believe I drove that far though... I wasn't even scared... I did get a really bad headache, but that's nothing new; I've been getting those atleast once everyday lately.
Hmmm... Well, I thought I had FIM practice today, so I drove all the way there, to find out that it was canceled... Grrr... I could have stayed in Ann Arbor longer... Or atleast not felt so rushed if I would have known it was canceled earlier. Oh-well.
Yes, no school tomorrow. I'm happy... not really actually... I'm feeling rather melancholy right now... I heard this song on the radio when I was coming home, that I listened to when I was feeling down a lot. It brought back a million memories of cutting, hate, suicide, and all that good stuff. I hate it. I feel like my mind is trying to slip back into that hell hole I was in... I'm trying to fight it, but... I think I'm slowly losing. That's why it's nice to have things to look forward to, like our Wizzywigs trip. I had been planning that since December. Now... As far as Solo + Ensemble goes, I couldn't want that day to come any less. I don't think I'm going to do as good this year as I did last year, and I don't even have my music memorized in choir. We never get a chance to work on the piano, and no one will make time to practice together. I just don't know how well this is going to go. I'm so glad I'm not doing a solo in choir. I'm also a little disappointed in my solo on trumpet. I had been practicing it since summer time, so I had this certain way all planned out in my head, as to how the whole song would sound, and it's completely different. It's almost as if I'm relearing the whole thing. As if I was any good at it to start with though. Maybe I should just practice more. Maybe I ramble on too much.
Maybe... Maybe I should just go away. Maybe all my problems will disappear if I were to just go away... Maybe I shouldn't post these stupid depressed journals, because one of my teachers can read them and tell my parents and they can be... concerned? Hmmm... I can't really think of any other word for it, so maybe concerned is good. Maybe it's a good thing they're concerned. I hate it when they're concerned. Mom always wants to see my cuts to see how they're "healing". It's aweful showing them to people. It's like taking a walk down the more painful side of memory lane. I guess I'm just glad I told mom about them, before anyone else found out. It's hard to tell someone a secret that you've been keeping from them for a really long time, and then everyone else finds out before them. But then again, it seems like telling them only makes things worse. Well hey, there's a thought. Does telling people all your problems really help? NO! In fact, typing this journal entry is making me feel worse. Telling my parents about all this crap has only made me feel worse. Mom has told me not to keep things bottled up, but it's worse when you open that bottle and just let it all out. I think it's easier to keep a secret than tell one.
I don't know why I'm the way I am. Sometimes I'm just happy as can be and then I crash and burn and just hate everyone and everything. Like right now. There's no reason I should be this way; it's not like I'm abused or anything. Nope, I live a normal life. Paretns are good to me, I've got a lot of freedom, what more could you want? Nothing I guess. I felt like I was just a burden on my parents when I was depressed, so I just started to grin and bear it. Mom seemed relieved to see me smiling again, so I just went with it. "Just smile... Just smile depsite it all. Fool everyone. Don't let them know how you feel; it's none of their business anyway. They're all just nosy. They don't care about you, they care about your business so they can gossip about you later."
See you space cowboy.