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I had been planning on giving up Gaia for Lent anyways, but I've now decided to take my leave a few weeks early. A person with whom I helped manage a guild pushed me too far, and I said that I needed some time apart to figure things out and pull myself together. I was met by a stream of curse words: the first time in my 20 years of life anyone said anything remotely like that to me. Anything I tried to do or say was quickly manipulated to mean something else. I tried my best to try and civilly explain why I was so upset, which was because I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around this person and felt I couldn't voice my opinions without being yelled at. Normally I can take this, but this person was starting to encroach upon certain areas of my absolute core belief, saying things that needn't be said that completely refuted what I live my life for: tolerance.

So I sat there for a few hours, taking the cursing, and trying to explain in hopes I could repair things. While insults were flung at me, I was busy trying to convince the person that they weren't horrible or insane. It's when I realized I was defending the person who was telling me to "go to ******** hell" instead of trying to defend myself that I realized something wasn't right. And the fact that this person said that they WANTED to hurt me also set me on edge.

After breaking down a few times on my mum, she helped me to realize something: I had done all I could, and I felt no regret. She told me to notice the similarities between this person and a high school friend I had whose friendship was lost to a similar cause: defending my friends and my core beliefs. The last straw was when this person said my other friend was a member of a cult; you can say that about me all you want, but not my friends. I then realized that this person reminds me a lot of my father as well. I tried to reason, but I couldn't. I tried to understand how in the world this person could possibly think I was using them the whole time, and that I lied. There is no logic to it.

In any case, I've known this person for a year now, and we had many joint efforts on Gaia. Thus, it's hard for me to take Gaia at this moment. I'll probably get back on come summer. I'm leaving my account as-is for now, but if/when I come back, I will completely clear my account of all guilds and friends and start from scratch. Except, of course, those friends who I keep in contact with.

I hope you all have a wonderful spring, and do stay in touch! heart