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This puts the "rants and complaints" title of my journal into context. If you're not comfortable with it, please don't read.

So I was browsing along today, being properly gloomy and all, considering the weather's s**t and the math GEPAs are something awful. Yoga hasn't helped me loosen up like it usually does either, and I've been on edge for weeks. But today I found some new fanfiction and checked up on the anima contest, and when I found out that Vanille had won I was quite happy because I'd read her story beforehand. It was good; she deserved an anima more than anyone else's story I'd read, including my own.

Coincidentally, I found a user I wasn't very fond of with a sig of a quote from an equally annoying user putting down said person's art, insulting them publicly, etc. I read through the thread and was reminded of a few PMs that I received recently and some public posts I've seen.

I didn't sell my panda for profit or for myself. It might sound stupid but I did it for kiriko's Satougaki art quest. I didn't know her very well at all, but after I read the first post of her quest, it made me feel like a naive newb. The way she was able to describe Satou's art intrigued me.

And during the sale of my panda hat I tried my best not to be too greedy. I've been a GDer and an exchange whore and an art whore, and avarice is a trait of mine that I've never gotten rid of. I never donated to anyone except friends before kiriko's quest, and never more than 10k. During the Miss. Gaia beauty pageant in midsummer 2003 I stated publicly that I did not approve of beggars.

In July 2003, I got my panda hat through a trade for android prosthetics and 4k with AnimeDDRAngel. Specifics and everything of my panda sale are in the previous posting, made today as well at 5:07 PM. I wanted to give back to the community, so I accepted any offer over 8mil. I got high offers and low offers, but in the end I picked the one that was in the middle, although that was only part of the reason why I chose that offer.

FelineOddity is a great person. Daisuke001 is equally awesome. Momoka is one of the kindest Gaians I've ever met. Sassy has been a friendly person that I'm glad to know. I wish I had enough panda hats for all of them, for everybody who offered and chatted with me in the meantime while they waited for me to pick an offer.

In the end I traded to Feline; many of my reasons are private but overall it was because she was so fun to talk with and a person who I could really identify with.

I sold the panda one day after Satou's art auction ended. I'd gotten myself into a panic because no one was on to bid for kiriko, and eventually with the help of tsukikage1983 and kyou we put in a final bid. But I was convinced I should go to sleep early at 11:00 PM since it was Sunday, and did so, only a few posts away to when Maiji outbid with two sets of easter items. I could've sold the panda hat to Sassy to get bunnies and ports and more to add on to kiriko's offer beforehand, but I hesitated since I'd pretty much already picked Feline, then after scraping up support decided it was safe and went to sleep without much worry.

When I logged on the next day I found out that kiriko had gotten third place. She said the blow was softened by us helping her, but I regretted going to sleep like that when I could've added on things, or just bid the panda hat.

Afterwards, when I sold Pandee (whose new name is apparently Bartholomew ;; ) I gave the DJs away, sold the Chickies to further a person's offer for bunnies, fed my ego, and bid on art.

It's very hard for me to fit into the R&C. I don't even know why I want to fit. I've found some great friends but otherwise it's hard for me to communicate, because I'm often treading the line between a friend, a suckup, and a b***h. That's the impression I got from those PMs, anyway.

Not that I listened to those PMs bonelessly. I hate it when people change so they can fit in, like some of the newbies do in GD, but had found myself doing that recently. And the one thing I really, really despise is a hypocrite. I probably sound like a whinging kid, too, but this is ranting and complaining and I've typed too much to want to delete.

GD was easier. You just need to be smart, and there the people might be seen as curmudgeonly and flamer-like, but they won't turn their backs on you or cause drama like this. It's confused me for awhile and sometimes I wish I still was a greedy suckup on holiday break with no inhibitions or conscience than have some of the thoughts I've contemplated over lately.


To sum it up, I am consciously taking a break from GAIA, for other reasons besides this of course, at the end of March. I will respond more quickly to email but PM works, although it might take awhile to respond. Otherwise I'm going to try and enjoy my GAIA experience for as long as possible before that.

THE EMO POST ENDS
THANK YOU

-sccoral