View User's Journal

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

For only having four days of school, this week really dragged.

It just seems like I can never find the right balance of work and play. For IRC, I've only read a book and a half when I should have almost three done. Of course, now that we are done with The Scarlet Letter, I should have more time to read. Oh and we got our progress reports in... and mine wasn't too pretty. There were more A's than I had had on my last report card, but it still wasn't up to standard. *sigh*

However, it seems I just can't stay focused when I do anything anymore. If I sit down to read, I get the urge to practice my clarinet. If I sit down to practice, I feel the need to study. If I plan to sit down and study, for once, I instead sit down at the computer and end up in that one place until I am half falling asleep over the keyboard. But even then, I get distracted and can't manage to get anything done. I thought that maybe my poor attention span was caused by lack of sleep but, by reading through some old journals in my closet, I've found that it's been with me for a great many years.

I hate not being able to focus on anything. It seemed like even as I was reading my journals, my mind was wandering else where. I'd bring myself back from where ever my mind had wandered but still was only able to focus for short periods of time.

And last night... My dad took my two younger siblings to that reading fun night thing at the elementary school and Dano was at the jr scholarship challenge thingie. So I was sitting home alone trying to do some of the things I mentioned. I stayed in the front room because Lori was coming and I had to keep her in the house until my dad came home. xp
Yeah so I figured that, to keep myself out of trouble, I'd sit near the door... but she never showed. After an hour I went to get back on the computer but found I couldn't switch from Statistics to mindless babble with Mat and aimless internet surfing.

So somehow, I was drawn outside to sit on the front stoop of my house. Why?, I don't really know...
It was cold and every time I exhaled, my glasses fogged around the bottom rim. Tiny snowflakes fell gentley around me but melted when the reached the ground. It must have been around 6-7 and the sky was a deep turquoise-blue color. I wasn't wearing shoes or socks but pulled my oversized sweathirt over my knees to keep my toes from touching the cold stones of my porch.

But as I was sitting there I noticed how much has changed over the course of time. From my porch, I could see through the neighbors side yard and to the cemetary the next street over. When I was little, there was a privacy hedge around their yard preventing that. They cut it down to the roots and sinse then I have just grown used to being able to see to the next street over. However, between the cemetary and the rail road tracks, there were trees that muffled the sounds of passing trains.
Last night, I didn't see those trees and instead saw cars on the new bypass and a train roll loudly down the tracks. And when there weren't cars around, I could see clear to the river bank. At that time I was half tempted to just leave my stoop, go across the neighbor's side yard, and through the cemetary to walk on the path by the river. I'd walk clear up to the north side of town and just run away beyond the other bypass and into oblivion.

Of course, I never did. I just sat there, curled up on my stoop, thinking about all the things I should and could be doing, all of the things I will be doing, and all of the things I have done. Yeah, that took a long time and when I was getting close to coming out of my little dream land, I realized that my toes were purple...

I came inside, changed my away message, and layed down on the couch to watch gay guys talk about the newest clothing trends.

And that is how I spent my Friday night... I would much rather have been free to run around town, hanging out with my friends and having a good time, but I did enjoy just being by myself for those 2 precious hours.

Quote:

Sometimes, in our lives
We all have pain, we all have sorrow
But, if we are wise
We know there's always tomorrow

Lean on me
When you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me
When you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

You just call on me brother when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I might just have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me
When you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

Lean on me
When you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

You just call on me brother when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I might just have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me
When you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

When my siblings came home, my father let us stay up to ten to watch the monthly Disney original movie, Buffalo Dreams. Its was a cute movie... especially the main Navajo guy. He was buff, yet skinny. Oooh, I just love ethnics minorities...
I have decided to move out west and find me a cute Navajo guy. blaugh

...Sayonara...

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

More Information