(part I)
My thoughts....my feelings. Everything in this journal....my stress my love my sadness. My good times...my times of deep despair. All in this journal. This journal which means so much to me.
Waiting. What a tedious thing sometimes. You wait in line in a grocery store to buy your food and what not. You wait in line at the movie theater to get a ticket to see some movie that sounded good. You wait in line at a fancy restaurant because the one who loves you and you love them in return brought you there, with a secret box in his pocket. Waiting for that special someone to walk across your path. Waiting to meet them...like you wish to do so very much. Waiting for your life to begin.
Want. Wanting food. Wanting a home...wanting someone to hold you and never let you go. Wanting to leave your life and never look back. Wanting to cry. Wanting to laugh. Wanting to be able to sit at home and be in a safe haven. Wanting to face your friends with a problem and have them understand. Wanting...something you can't have. Wanting...someone you can't have. Wanting...that feeling.
Love. Such a feeling. To feel your heart swell with the very mention of their name. To feel their skin under your finger tips. So smooth. To see their eyes light up as soon as you walk in the room. Loving the way they say your name so tenderly...the way they hold you so perfectly...the way they know you better than anyone else. Loving the way they can make you feel...the way they can make you laugh even in the saddest of moments. The way they will cry with you. Loving the way they can sit there and listen to you rant until time ends...and still are listening...through and through. The way..they will risk their life for you. Take care of you. Give you a place and food. Fufill your wants..your needs. Loving how a family member stood up for you against the aweful people who wish to put you down. Loving yourself.
Believing. Believing in god. Believing in spells and witchcraft. Believing in your own thing...believing to do the right thing. Believing the liar who told you you were something. Believing that the person you thought you loved actually hated you. Believing....a backstabbing truth. Believing the friend who is plotting to take your boyfriend...that she loves you as a sister. Believing your family loves you. Believing whatever you want to believe to get through life. To get through another day of hardship. Believing....in everything and nothing. Believing in yourself.
(part II)
Hate. Hating the world. Hating the light. Hating the darkness. Hating family and friends. Hating violence and blood. Hating killing. Hating the love someone gives you...the happiness. Hating the girl who started a rumor about you. Hating the music. Hating dreams...Hating nightmares. Hating colors and grays. Hating silence. Hating sound. Hating solitude. Hating yourself.
Dream. Dream of good things. Dream of bad things. Dream of you floating on a cloud with silver wings on your back.Dream of monsters and darkness. Dream of flesh and rivers of blood at your feet. Dream of killing...of murder. Dream of love and of that special someone. Dream of a wedding full of music and flowers and smiling faces of friends and family. Dream of the perfect place where nothing can touch you. Dream of your first kiss. Dream of your first touch. Dream of everything and nothing. Just dream.
Live. Live in happiness. Live in light. Live without oppression. Live in spite of death. Live with family, live with love. Live with death and life alike. Live without reality...Live in the real world. Live in a book...live in a show. Live without a care...live with all the worries in the world. Live with racism...live with nothing yet have everything. Live with hope...live with despair. Live with everything you have.
(perhaps more to come)
 moon_neko_23 · Tue Mar 13, 2007 @ 01:14am · 2 Comments |
