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Well, now my friends are mad at me.

Because I somewhat lied to them I think and because I couldn't attend a sleepover.

Not only, are they upset with me, but I'm feeling extremely disgusted with myself. I hate crying so bad.

Anyway, it the idea of it happened awhile ago. This Friday, Panda planned a sleepover party and was going to invite pi and me. But, the same day, Pi and I had to go on our Orchestra trip to Heresy park. So we couldn't go. So, when were lined up to go home on the buses, we decided to call Panda. And so, she moved thesleepover over to Saturday. In my little stupid mind, I was thinking that this would be fun and hoped with mostly all of my soul that my parent would let me go. I mean, my mother is nicer then my father, and he was out of the United States...in Vietnam...weeping over the corpse of his mother, and fasting in front of his dying father's. My mother let me do tons of things that father didn't. She thought donating to Gaia was an okay sort of thing, while he rejected it and didn't let me use his credit card. She often backed me up when I tried to do something that my father didn't want me to do...like going to parties, dances, and concerts. I'm not sure about her opinion about sleepovers...but I do know my father's. "Father can I please sleep--..." and the reflex answer "NO." She seems unsure, mostly because he's so strict about it, so she follows him. When I asked my mother about the sleepover on the way to church she said,"no." And I think I kept count from then until I came home. I asked and told her things like 'why?' and 'just because...' 54 times. Eventually, while going home she was about to cave I think. But, the she told me to call my 28 year old sister. And I did. She said she would have let me, but she was afraid, somehow, that father would find out and yell at her. There has been only 1 time that I can remember him yelling at her. One. It was when she asked me to try out being a model. At first, I told her about all the things that models were into drugs and being anorexic. But she persisted and got me into it. So I took classes and I loved them. But they were all the way in Philadelphia which is about an hour from here. She lived close to there, so she drove me to the lessons. Eventually, I came home. And my dad had to bring me to the lessons. And that one sentence I told him...that I can remember so well..."modeling is not just something for fun, it can be a job too!". He was angry. He scream at my sister for getting me into to it. She was more upset and angry then anything. And I saw her cry myself. I never had seen that, and later she canceled all my lessons and plans. She said that she'd never bring me there again. So she said no, that I couldn't sleepover, but resolved that I could stay over. So, now we're driving home. My mother pulls into our driveway, and I tell her to turn back so we can go to Panda's house. She complains like crazy. We go past, weis, eyer, and get to a road she doesn't know. Its like a steep hill. I can smell...something like burning and she sees the yellow light lite up that says 'check'. Soon she complains more and starts panicking. Saying an excessive amount of pessimistic things that are extremely annoying. I tell her -insert stuff here that I told my friends, and cannot say in public- and she stops talking. So we turn around and head home. I run up to my room and lock the door as soon as I can. And I'm sitting there...thinking of what should I do now and what should I tell them. Then suddenly I start breaking down for some reason. I get on the computer and they instantaneously im on skype. Now, Birdie,Pi, and Panda are all there. And I just really don't want to talk after what has happen, so I just click 'reject' and tell them I don't want to talk. They keep going at it until I log off. Then, I imagine how much fun they're probably having and I feel like I should go back on and talk to them...So now they're pissed at me for lying which I did. I told them I've never been to a sleepover. The only ones I've had were...a Vietnamese friend from Virgina, and a really good friend, whose not my friend anymore who lives exactly 34 steps away from me. Oh, and on the car, my mom was saying...'what happens if you get sick or something happens to you? I can't speak English so I can't call an ambulance' I told her the chances of that and that that was a bad excuse. Still she didn't listen...and I nagged on with her about it. I consider myself lucky to still be going there tomorrow, but, my friends probably won't like to talk to me any time soon...

I'm sorry, I let you down guys. But one thing like this, and you're that upset about it that much...I just don't understand. I guess this is the price for making friends...

[9:14:04 PM] Panda-chan says: The girls are so mad they said they're gonna shun you on Monday.
[9:14:22 PM] Naxul says: YAY.
[9:15:09 PM] Panda-chan says: Birdie said she's gonna shun you during SS and will not tolerate the paper in the hoodie. Plus she wants her beads back.
[9:17:13 PM] Naxul says: Besides, who would want to speak when they're choking on their own desperate and patheic tears?
[9:17:34 PM] Naxul says: Okie-dokie.
[9:17:38 PM] Panda-chan says: IT BIRDIE!
[9:17:51 PM] Panda-chan says: GUESS WHO'S PISSED?
[9:17:54 PM] Naxul says: The difference?
[9:18:01 PM] Naxul says: Me, My Mother, You guys.
[9:18:10 PM] Naxul says: xP
[9:18:36 PM] Panda-chan says: Can someone spell PMS?
[9:18:43 PM] Naxul says: PMS?
[9:18:56 PM] Panda-chan says: Do you really want me to explain?
[9:19:02 PM] Naxul says: Sure.
[9:19:39 PM] Panda-chan says: I'll let your girlfriend explain it....
[9:19:47 PM] Naxul says: e.e
[9:19:54 PM] Panda-chan says: Like oh my god hi Lee!!!
[9:20:04 PM] Naxul says: =.=
[9:21:35 PM] Naxul says: ...
[9:23:39 PM] Panda-chan says: Ok, well, PMS is like a syndrome that comes before a certain time of the month that happens to almost every girl starting between the ages 10-14 and continues until menopause. When menopause comes this certain time of the month ends, and therefore PMS is done. This syndrome "plays" with one's hormones, therefore changing the emotions they feel and giving them very broad range, usually a very aggrevating time. One would feel very annoyed at any particular time and fuming or furious for no apparent reason.
[9:24:07 PM] Panda-chan says: WTF!
[9:24:27 PM] Naxul says: I think I'm always like that when I'm in a bad mood.
[9:24:50 PM] Naxul says: My mother was bitching at me.
[9:24:54 PM] Naxul says: She kept complaing.
[9:24:55 PM] Panda-chan says: Lee, all zee ladies are mad at you. Better not come to school Monday.
[9:25:02 PM] Naxul says: She kept arguing at me.
[9:25:14 PM] Naxul says: I see no reason for them to be angry.
[9:25:16 PM] Panda-chan says: My mom does that all the time.
[9:25:26 PM] Naxul says: I really didn't want to talk.
[9:25:49 PM] Naxul says: And you guys wanted me to.
[9:25:56 PM] Panda-chan says: Well, you said you were gonna come, then all of the sudden, out of the blue after I TOLD YOU it was a sleepover you didn't tell me you never sleep over. I hve a right to be ticked off.
[9:26:04 PM] Naxul says: I said no, so you guys got angry right?
[9:26:13 PM] Naxul says: Yes.
[9:26:30 PM] Naxul says: I was hoping...
[9:26:40 PM] Panda-chan says: No, it's that sometimes people get happy that one can hang out but then disappointed. And you've only done that about twice to me...?!?
[9:26:43 PM] Naxul says: since my dad was out of the United States until August I could.
[9:26:59 PM] Panda-chan says: Besides this one..........which wasn't really me it was more Chan
[9:27:00 PM] Naxul says: I though she would have let me.
[9:27:08 PM] Naxul says: She told me before, once he leaves.
[9:27:10 PM] Panda-chan says: DON'T ASSUME.
[9:27:26 PM] Panda-chan says: IT MAKES AN a*****e OF EVERY EFFING PERSON EVER ALIVE
[9:27:35 PM] Naxul says: Besides...
[9:28:15 PM] Naxul says: You're being disappointed because I couldn't come, I feeling the same way.
[9:28:31 PM] Naxul says: *I'm feeling the same way.
[9:28:44 PM] Panda-chan says: Still, you knew it was a sleepover, and YOU NEVER TOLD me that your mom usually doesn't let you sleep over.
[9:29:07 PM] Naxul says: She usually did...like when my dad was over in VA.
[9:29:16 PM] Naxul says: He never found that out.
[9:29:22 PM] Naxul says: This time she's so worried.
[9:29:33 PM] Panda-chan says: The why did you tell me you've never been to a sleepover, huh?
[9:29:44 PM] Naxul says: I have.
[9:30:07 PM] Naxul says: But...
[9:30:22 PM] Panda-chan says: Well, you LIED to me. BUT?! WHY BUT?!
[9:30:29 PM] Naxul says: That was a close friend, which doesn't really count.
[9:30:47 PM] Panda-chan says: Dx
[9:30:56 PM] Panda-chan says: IT DOES>
[9:30:57 PM] Naxul says: e.e
[9:31:00 PM] Naxul says: It does?
[9:31:05 PM] Panda-chan says: YES.
[9:31:07 PM] Naxul says: My parents really liked her.
[9:31:13 PM] Panda-chan says: >....> Pfft.
[9:31:18 PM] Naxul says: + she was vietnamese so they like her even more.
[9:31:19 PM] Naxul says: D:
[9:31:29 PM] Naxul says: They hated my old best friend because she was american.
[9:31:33 PM] Panda-chan says: Who cares about race?
[9:31:37 PM] Naxul says: D:
[9:31:39 PM] Naxul says: I know.
[9:31:43 PM] Naxul says: You tell htem that.
[9:31:43 PM] Panda-chan says: Hmm.
[9:32:50 PM] Naxul says: After last time...
[9:35:32 PM] Panda-chan says: -sigh- Thu, it's Britt.
[9:35:40 PM] Naxul says: She asked for a sleepover, which was the the end of 5th grade, my parents said no, and we weren't friends at all anymore and she shunned me.
[9:35:41 PM] Panda-chan says: There's something I have to say to you.
[9:35:52 PM] Panda-chan says: Now, I don't want to make this hard for either of us, but...
[9:36:03 PM] Panda-chan says: Well...
[9:36:32 PM] Naxul says: Well?
[9:36:51 PM] Panda-chan says: Well, tonight, I realized...
[9:37:06 PM] Naxul says: Its just like a game...
[9:38:03 PM] Panda-chan says: How much cooler and funnier and easier to get along with...
[9:38:23 PM] Naxul says: With?
[9:38:39 PM] Panda-chan says: Well, it pains me to say this, just a little, but...
[9:38:47 PM] Panda-chan says: I want to break up.
[9:38:54 PM] Naxul says: Sure.
[9:39:05 PM] Naxul says: Besides remember?
[9:39:06 PM] Panda-chan says: At least for a little...........we need some time apart.
[9:39:16 PM] Panda-chan says: I mean, after yesterday....
[9:39:27 PM] Panda-chan says: Anyway, Ji DOESN'T want to even think about being bi.
[9:39:35 PM] Panda-chan says: I asked her, and she got all freaked out.
[9:39:35 PM] Naxul says: 'Temporary' girlfriend.
[9:39:41 PM] Naxul says: I know.
[9:39:46 PM] Panda-chan says: Really, really, really freaked out
[9:39:53 PM] Naxul says: I met her at choir today.
[9:40:05 PM] Naxul says: And we talked and had some fun drawing.
[9:41:31 PM] Naxul says: Bi, doesn't exactly meaning liking one gender over another. It just means what you're happy being with whether men or women.
[9:41:43 PM] Panda-chan says: Well, there are two other girls in this room...
[9:41:53 PM] Naxul says: And?
[9:41:54 PM] Panda-chan says: and one of them is just...you know...better than you.
[9:42:04 PM] Naxul says: I know.
[9:42:06 PM] Panda-chan says: But I can't tell you which
[9:42:21 PM] Naxul says: There will always be people who will be better then me.
[9:42:50 PM] Panda-chan says: Now, they are both straight...unfortunately.........
[9:43:05 PM] Panda-chan says: but......................that might change by the end of tonight
[9:43:09 PM] Naxul says: I bet.
[9:43:13 PM] Panda-chan says: of course, that would mean a LOT of convincing on MY part
[9:44:00 PM] Naxul says: Good luck.
[9:44:39 PM] Panda-chan says: -It's Chan- Gwad. This is going to far! -exits Skype for the night-
[9:44:47 PM] Naxul says: Kay.
In about 30 minutes...

I feel disgusted again...
Dx
THE IFFYNESS.
MAKE IT STOP.

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