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Fire's Genderqueer Transition
Okay I'll start with a given, for a very long time I've known that I'm Gender Dysphoric, that is the gender in my head does not match up with the sex of my body. Another word for this is transsexual, but I don't really like that term being applied to me, as most people think of transsexuals as the classic binary transition, from male to female or vice versa. I'm not within the binary, gender is more than just male and female, there's a whole spectrum of it. Personally I'm Genderqueer, that sort of means my gender changes whenever it feels like it, I mostly default to Agender, that is neither male nor female. But I can also be female, both or very occasionally male, even though I'm Male Assigned At Birth I'm not male most of the time.

So what's this all mean? For a long time not a lot, a spent a very long time suppressing who I really was in a futile attempt to be normal. That worked really badly, and I found that once I started letting my real self out that I couldn't live with the body that I've got. So after a lot of um-ing and ah-ing I decided that I had to do something about that, that something is loosely referred to as Transition. That is that I'm taking my male body and modifying it to appear more like I see myself.
This is achieved a number of ways, the primary one being Hormone Replacement Therapy, I'm currently taking two types of tables. The first type is called an Anti-Androgen this is a chemical that destroys the testerone that my body naturally produces. The second is oestrogen this is a female hormone and will soften the appearance of my body, it will also hopefully remove a large amount of my body hair and is making me develop female secondary sexual characteristics (breasts). I'm likely to be on HRT for the rest of my life in one form or another, but the exact balances will change as my body gets closer to what I feel it should be. The majority of this should be right in the next one to three years, as I've been on HRT since September '09.
I am also having laser hair removal on my face to remove my beard, this is working very well but is a long, slow and very painful process. But will hopefully be completed before the end of the year.
In the future I'm looking into some form of surgery, most likely simply castration, so that my body doesn't produce hormones so I can more easily balance things. But could be full Gender Nullification Surgery depending on exactly how things work out. But this is very long term in the five to ten years bracket.

So where will I end up? That's a bit up in the air really, hopefully somewhere between male and female, but probably on the female side in appearance. It's one of the big things that has changed, when I started all this I thought that I would want to end up slightly on the male side of androgynous. But now I'd rather be on the female side, I've stopped trying to make a secret of the fact that I get Body Envy from quite a few androgynous people. What's interesting is that I've also started to get a lot more envious of fully cis-female appearing people as well. I've also always been jealous of what females can acceptably wear compared to what males can acceptably wear, and there's a lot I would dearly wish to be able to get away with.

Right now I'm in a very strange place, I really have never felt male, but that feeling is a lot more acute now, by the same token I'm not female either. But on the whole I'd rather people see me as female than male as it's a lot closer to what I am. I'd also really like it if people could get my pronouns right, as that really makes me uncomfortable when people use male pronouns for me.

If anyone has any questions about this feel free to ask me, I'm open about just about everything and am next to impossible to offend. So I'm happy to answer questions about myself, in fact it helps me figure out what i've left out as i'm going for openness here.



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F1r3Wire is a chaotic neutral, neo-victorian cybergoth, pyromaniac, xxy, qenderqueer transexual, a-romantic pan-affectionate asexual, poly, kinky, kitten, hacker, on a sugar high, who likes to make people question their reality.[/center:faeb5f8b1b]



f1r3wire
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f1r3wire
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