I honestly don't know how to contain it anymore. I've been containing all this hate for so long, so long that I'm so weary. It takes a toll on me and on my mental health. My implusiveness is increasing so fast that I think I might just stab him one of these days.
The days pass and it becomes ever so present. How can I hate someone so much that I desire death upon them? How can I have so many malevolent thoughts towards a singular person?
But why should I care? I wasn't the one who brought it upon him. All this hate, it was born out of the many hits he would take, of all the chips he made to my mental state. He's so stupid. Idiotic. Insignificant. A worm. He deserves to die like the ******** hypocrite he is. His mother is dying, but honestly? I think he should take her place. HE deserves to die, not his mother.
Yes I'm sick. Twisted. Maybe even ill. But there is only so much abuse a person can take before what was once pure and happy turns into something tainted and twisited. An anomoly. IS that what I am? A grotesque anomoly? Pft. Might as well be. With all this angst and ill feeling welling up inside me everyday.
My vent? Ranting. Posting blogs such as this. Working on the story heavily based upon my "relationship" with him. I wish I could go back in time to stop mother from marrying him. Why was she so stupid? Why did she stay with him after he started to show that dark, hideous, harmful sight? He's a soul sucker. He sucks souls. He sucks warmth and only leaves coldness. Gloom. Death.
When he comes, my world freezes and I have to clench my fists and hold my tongue in fear that I might do something rash that could end up costing me and my mother dearly. All. Because. Of. Me.
I hate him with all that I am. I don't give a rat's a** about people saying that he's my "father" and that he gave me life. I will NEVER aknowledge him as a father figure. He doesn't deserve that title. He makes me sick. He makes me hate and distrust men. He and my mother killed all the hopes I had of "love".
Every time he kicked, punched, slapped, pushed, yelled, named....The hatred....The anger...The hot-blooded tears were being nurtured until I was ready to use them. And used them i have...but to avail.
Sometimes I want to yell. To run outside and yell bloody murder. Or to grab a knife and stab him while he sleeps. Stab him so many times until I taste the madness disappearing within me. Red. All I see is red whenever he's near.
I should get away, I should lock him away. But I can't. I have to take my mom into consideration and think about the difficulities. AND IT'S SO ******** FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's a ******** insect! A leech! A being so vile and low that he has not a name! His voice makes me cringe. It makes my blood boil. It makes me mad. The red won't clear. It won't dissolve. Why won't he go away?!!
Darkness. I fall into a pit of darkness. Why won't my mother listen? Why won't she care? WHY DOESN'T SHE DO ANYTHING?!!! Her ******** excuses.....all the same. Her mouth spouts lies. I dispise her. I HATE her at times. I hate this family. I hate that I have their hideous genes within me. They'll be a part of me all the time. They'll never go away until I die. They'll be my own personal hellish ghosts all the time. Christ.
I'm going insane aren't I? I'm being melodramatic. Is it melodramatic? Or am I just pondering deeper things? Are my thoughts evolving? Are they maturing?
When will I escape? When can I escape? The world made it my goals unobtainable. Moving. Sauntering. Reaching.....Why does my exit seem so far away?
The days pass and it becomes ever so present. How can I hate someone so much that I desire death upon them? How can I have so many malevolent thoughts towards a singular person?
But why should I care? I wasn't the one who brought it upon him. All this hate, it was born out of the many hits he would take, of all the chips he made to my mental state. He's so stupid. Idiotic. Insignificant. A worm. He deserves to die like the ******** hypocrite he is. His mother is dying, but honestly? I think he should take her place. HE deserves to die, not his mother.
Yes I'm sick. Twisted. Maybe even ill. But there is only so much abuse a person can take before what was once pure and happy turns into something tainted and twisited. An anomoly. IS that what I am? A grotesque anomoly? Pft. Might as well be. With all this angst and ill feeling welling up inside me everyday.
My vent? Ranting. Posting blogs such as this. Working on the story heavily based upon my "relationship" with him. I wish I could go back in time to stop mother from marrying him. Why was she so stupid? Why did she stay with him after he started to show that dark, hideous, harmful sight? He's a soul sucker. He sucks souls. He sucks warmth and only leaves coldness. Gloom. Death.
When he comes, my world freezes and I have to clench my fists and hold my tongue in fear that I might do something rash that could end up costing me and my mother dearly. All. Because. Of. Me.
I hate him with all that I am. I don't give a rat's a** about people saying that he's my "father" and that he gave me life. I will NEVER aknowledge him as a father figure. He doesn't deserve that title. He makes me sick. He makes me hate and distrust men. He and my mother killed all the hopes I had of "love".
Every time he kicked, punched, slapped, pushed, yelled, named....The hatred....The anger...The hot-blooded tears were being nurtured until I was ready to use them. And used them i have...but to avail.
Sometimes I want to yell. To run outside and yell bloody murder. Or to grab a knife and stab him while he sleeps. Stab him so many times until I taste the madness disappearing within me. Red. All I see is red whenever he's near.
I should get away, I should lock him away. But I can't. I have to take my mom into consideration and think about the difficulities. AND IT'S SO ******** FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's a ******** insect! A leech! A being so vile and low that he has not a name! His voice makes me cringe. It makes my blood boil. It makes me mad. The red won't clear. It won't dissolve. Why won't he go away?!!
Darkness. I fall into a pit of darkness. Why won't my mother listen? Why won't she care? WHY DOESN'T SHE DO ANYTHING?!!! Her ******** excuses.....all the same. Her mouth spouts lies. I dispise her. I HATE her at times. I hate this family. I hate that I have their hideous genes within me. They'll be a part of me all the time. They'll never go away until I die. They'll be my own personal hellish ghosts all the time. Christ.
I'm going insane aren't I? I'm being melodramatic. Is it melodramatic? Or am I just pondering deeper things? Are my thoughts evolving? Are they maturing?
When will I escape? When can I escape? The world made it my goals unobtainable. Moving. Sauntering. Reaching.....Why does my exit seem so far away?
