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Nobody loves me (contains tl;dr) |
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If self-pity bothers you, I suggest you click away now. That should be self-explanatory from the title, but lately it has seemed that things that are self-explanatory still need to be explained. ******** retards.
I want to get some work done so that I'll feel more like myself. By that, I mean surgery. The people who know me now don't want me to get it done because it's dangerous, but a lot of those people haven't seen much more of me than my face. I have nice features, but I'm not proud of my body. I have a slender figure, but my body in profile is embarrassing to me.
I have hinted previously at a secret that I have, that I would prefer nobody know who doesn't already. (If you do know or have figured it out by now, please do not say anything about it.) Those who do know look at me differently because of it, and those who don't, I am always afraid of them finding out.
My current online friends, some of whom have flirted with me, only THINK that I am their type because they have not seen what I look like in person. My on-again-off-again boyfriend.... well, I can't speak for him, but I cannot tell what he thinks about me. He says he loves me, but then he does everything he can to prevent us from being happy together.
I had a date with him today, but he stood me up. I was waiting outside KFC until 5:00 this afternoon, and the smell of cooking poultry makes me sick. It wasn't until I got home that I saw the offline message he'd left asking if I'd rather not meet.
I hadn't responded because I had already signed off and left the house to go meet him. By 4, I was a sobbing, vomiting, hysterical mess outside KFC.
To me, it is self-explanatory that if I am supposed to meet somebody and they just signed off, I should meet them instead of leaving them an offline message, unless to say that I CANNOT for some reason (read: emergency) make it.
I feel that if he had really wanted to see me, he would have BEEN there, no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. But as I said before, even if we were to break up, which I don't want, I wouldn't be able to find anybody else because of my body. I'm hideous and no one loves me.
 Illybrius · Sun Sep 06, 2009 @ 02:05am · 0 Comments |
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