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Ok so this was at first a response to scott's post, but now its become one of my own, so deal with it. Its brilliant.

dude, i have to say you got me down pretty well lol. I have to say though, that in essence, youre right, were nothing, maybe thats why i can allow myself to be ok without thinking about the big picture, or meaning or s**t like that, because, like you said, nothing I ever can do, or have done will have one ounce of difference in the matters of the entire universe or anything like that, so why even ******** bother worrying right? Heres the secret, take all of these epiphanies you come to, all these meaning of life disappointments that come only at times when s**t hits the fan, you take them and accept them as inherent universal truths. After that, life just comes at you easier because you know that in the end, youre really just going to die anyway. on top of that, as you put it, you wish you could just buy into a religion, i feel that way too. Then at least I could have some other sheep to placate me into believing everything was ok. But since we dont, you and I, well that makes us different. Were allowed a specific ability not many have. Because we hold certain universal truths to be true, and because we don't believe there will be any spanking at the end of our journey, well it just makes everyday a good day to die.

Now this doesn't mean that I would necessarily want to die today, but if pressed to put my life on the line for some reason, and that meant that I was going to die. Well ******** Id do it with valor and courage, and Id take someone down with me.

Point being, this is why the tiniest things in life matter. This is why its so ******** important that when you walk out of the house in the morning, you take your cigs and your lighter. This is why its so important that when you try to light your cig later, that you actually can, this is why its important to smoke the lucky last, to do it right. Gotta do it right, because thats what gets us through the day, all of the little moments and s**t right? (For many of you reading this who have known me for a while, this is why I get so mad when something so ******** easily when the tiniest ******** thing goes wrong, because our days are so full of filler, filler classes, filler conversation, filler people, filler filler, that you only get so many things to control through the course of the day, and out of those things, simple things can really make you feel good or bad)

So in essence, what I have to say is that everyone reading this needs to go outside right now, take out a cig, and light up. Now take that smoke nice and slow and appreciate the fact that you're getting the best of life at that moment in the sense that your taking away its only power over you, uncertainty, by killing yourself slowly every day.