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I just... I'm numb.

There's been so much happening to me lately, and it just keeps getting worse and worse. I find out that every one of my grades in school is way below what it should be. That's not all that surprising, but even in a class where i do my work and ace my tests, I'm somehow getting an E. My highest grade is a C-, and that wouldn't be so bad, but then there's my dad. All he does is take everything to an extreme. He found out about my spanish grade first and asked why it was so low. I told him, I really don't care about spanish. Instead of getting pissed about just that, he then thinks I don't care about anything. He thinks I don't care about spanish, english, my weight, my family, my friends. He thinks I hate him with every ounce of my soul... He couldn't be any more wrong... But because of that, he's saying that if I don't turn everything around and get my grades up and my weight down, then he's kicking me out of the house and sending me to live with my mom. In school, I try to get all of my things done now, but people in Mayville just want to do nothing but make fun of me, or hit on me. And the one's that hit on me are all guys, and they're starting to piss me right the ******** off with what they do.
Now, while all of this is going on, I'm starting to become haunted by my past. I'm remembering people who meant everything to me, who still mean everything to me. I've hardly gotten any sleep lately because I can't stop thinking of how I ******** up in the past, and how I'm ******** up now. Because of all the stress I'm going through, I've hardly talked to any of my friends lately. I've pretty much ignored Jake, Ambur, Ethan, Donielle, Sarah..... And when I do get the chance to talk to anyone, I've been really short and kind of rude, and now it's catching up to me. How?
I get the chance to get away to my mom's this weekend, and everything's going great. At least, it was until an hour ago... I got a call from my friend Sarah, and I could hardly hear her voice. All I caught was, "I won't be able...talk...you...few days..." I asked her what was wrong, and she didn't say anything. I stayed on the phone for fifteen minutes, and she didn't say anything. I said, "please tell me what's wrong. the only time I've heard you like this, you tried to kill yourself. just say something." All I heard her say was, "sorry," and she hung up the phone. I tried calling back, she wouldn't answer. I got the idea to go on myspace, and I find out that one of my few friends who I care about more than anyone is going to try to kill herself tonight...

Between being hated at home, pissed at school, untrusted by friends, and betrayed by myself, I'm not sure how much longer I can stay as composed as I am.....

I'm losing everything.....