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You may have noticed that I haven't been on in a really long time. Well, I'll tell you why...

The truth is, I went on a long and painful journey, to a mystical land I forgot the name of, in hopes of finding some breakfast, for I had not eaten that morning.
I set off sometime after I realized that I didn't have any food, and laying there wouldn't feed me. It was a very hot day, which sucks for me, because I was a snowman. But it really didn't suck for me at all because I can't melt in snowman form. So I was walking along when my good friend The Badger came along and asked what I was doing. I said "Going on a quest for breakfast!" Then Badger tried to chew off my toe. Lucky for me snowmen don't have toes. So I kept walking along until I saw a river, and there was a fish in it. The fish looked at me, and I looked at the fish, and the fish looked at me more, and I kept looking at the fish. I was about to walk away because I was bored, but then the fish grew seven arms and flew out of the water like some sort of giant oyster! The seven-armed fish landed on the ground in front of me and started running towards me, ready to kill me with its super fish powers. I thought for sure I would die, but I soon realized the fish couldn't run because it didn't have legs, and it was really just flailing its arms in the air like you would expect a seven-armed fish to do. I ran up with super snowman speed and kicked the fish to the next ocean, or just in front of me somewhere. After that crazy experience, I found a house. I have a history of breaking into people's houses with no reason at all, and I'm pretty sure the therapy hasn't helped at all. So I broke into the house. After I smashed the window and stepped inside, I was going to leave, but I remembered that I was going on this journey for breakfast, so I walked into the kitchen. I saw some food and I was about to go get it, when the horrible evil wizard (who isn't horrible or evil at all as it turns out) walked in and stared at me. She took out her magical stick thing which she named "wand" and said, "Your snowman suit is too awesome. This world isn't ready for it." And with that she shot me with magical stuff and i turned into what you see now. Then I was locked in the basement for 17 years until I finally escaped. Before I left I stole all of the wizard's food for breakfast. I've had breakfast every day since then.
And after the wizard tracked me down, I apologized, and together we lived happily ever after.

That is why I haven't been here in forever. You understand, right?