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Last night while sitting in the woods, deciding my own death and how I should just let myself sit in the freezing cold all night until my body froze, I heard Shidou's voice. It was like music to my ears after everything that I had done to Francois. I really messed things up with him, and now I have to still see him everyday. It hurts me a little bit since I do still love Francois, but now I know I have to let it go somehow. I just need to know if he still loves me. Shidou rescued me from the woods last night and brought me back to the Inn. It was amazing, the love he gave to me. It was unlike anything I'd felt. Even when I thought Jacques was the greatest thing to ever come into my life, it surpasses him. I don't think I could ask for more, but yet, there is more. To just have someone to be held by for the rest of my time here...maybe more. But no one can tell that right now. We only have to wait...
 .x.Audri.x. · Sun Dec 24, 2006 @ 08:13pm · 0 Comments |
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I am afraid of what I am becoming. Because I was hurt in my past, am I destined to hurt others that I care for? Shidou and I have been talking for awhile now and spending that time with him had made me realize that there are better people out there for me. I'm scared of the future because I don't like hurting people. But Francois isn't there for me anymore and Shidou wants to stick around. -.- But I dunno. Maybe I just need some time to myself to gather my thoughts and decide on what to do. Whatever to do...I don't think I can tell Francois...
.x.Audri.x. · Tue Dec 19, 2006 @ 04:23am · 0 Comments |
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Last night I took sometime to myself. I sat on my stump for nearly three days straight and wondered what my life might be like if I hadn't told Jacques about my family. Then I realized he would have found out anyway when he aged, and myself and my children hardly aged. It's a weird thought, Jacques, a human, and having children with him would have made them half vampire. I cried for the first time in over two hundred years the other day. I fear that while I am away, Jacques falls further and further toward Winnie. They really were close before I came in. I wonder if it was good for me to have met him. But I guess all things happen for reasons. What puzzles me is I am not part of Kami's will. What he plans never has anything to do with me since I am cruznik. There's an empty place inside me though. It longs to belong. I hope I can again...I hope this emptiness gets replaced soon...
.x.Audri.x. · Fri Dec 15, 2006 @ 07:47am · 0 Comments |
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Last night I came back once more. It's my secret where I disappeared to, but a assure you it helped me. I walked out of the bar the other night after speaking to Winnie about her son Damien. She's so heart broken about her loss and I feel for her, I only wish I felt the way she did, so I could better understand her pain. I lost my parents when I was young so you think that would effect me enough. Sadly, it does not. Although I dream of them each night and only wish I could go back and save them, I know it's not enough compared to her pain. It's something different to lose the ones who brought you in, and something even greater in difference to lose the one you brought in.
That kind of brings me to the reason I left. After speaking with Winnie, I felt a hole in my being. Part of it was filling with the love I held for Francois, but the other part with still so empty and cold. Cruzniks are vampires...and vampires are the dead...so we shouldn't have heart-felt feelings...should we? What do I really know of myself? I wanted to much to cry last night, but no matter the tears wouldn't come. I've never felt the warmth of watery tears, only the cold of the ones I cannot cry.
I'm going to give up any of the thoughts of having a child...it would probably be tainted anyhow, and end up hating myself and it's father for bringing it into such a hateful world where no one will befriend it. I hope I don't disappoint anyone with this idea. I think it may be for the better. Atleast it won't be stuck with a mother like myself...
.x.Audri.x. · Wed Dec 13, 2006 @ 07:44am · 0 Comments |
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I came back from overseas last night. It was beautiful over there and there were many vampires and cruzniks there. I thought we were the only ones. I brought home a ton of nifty things that I am putting in my brand new Inn. I can't wait til I get to show Francois. I missed him so much and I'm afraid he took Winnie in my absence. Well I guess I will find out. Until then. I love you Francois...and Jacques...I miss you, but I think I have to finally let you go...
.x.Audri.x. · Fri Dec 01, 2006 @ 08:09pm · 0 Comments |
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Part I
'Last night I dreamt you came back to me Jacques. I dreamt that you said you still loved me and that you wanted me to change you so we could be together forever. I wanted so much for it to be true Jacques, I wish it were.' Audri sat staring out her bedroom window as the snow fell on the window pane. She knew her past could never come back to her and be changed the way she wanted it to be.
Audriana Reisa Lewd, born in the year 1745 just before the start of the vampire revolution. Her father was a Cruznik, a Count more like it, and her mother was a half breed, a dhampire you might say. Audri loved her parents deeply and even more, she loved Jacques Cristo. But all within a few weeks, that all disappeared. This is her story.
“Good night ka-san” Audri sang out and skipped off to bed. The girl of only nine was a whimsical one. She loved to play with the dolls her father had bought her from other countries, and she and her mother would take moonlit strolls to her mother’s night time garden. It was filled with moonlit lilies and star shine pansies. They spent long hours here each night before the sun came up. But on this early morning, she would take witness to a terrifying massacre. She would never see her family alive again.
She awoke late in the day, breeds who were not weak against daylight had broken into her large castle. Her father tried fighting off the breeds, but to no avail he could not. Her mother ran about the house dodging attacks from the breeds to find Audriana, when she did, she demanded that the young girl take her private passageway to the basement and hide herself well. She hugged her mother and kissed her cheek. “Domo sukiyo!” was their last exchange of words; she had said nothing to her father.
By sundown, the battles had become stronger, now the near vampires and cruzniks had come. Her parents were not only unprepared for this sort of a thing, but they were also weak since they had not been on hunt for a day and a half. Audriana could hear nothing from her pit in the basement; she only hoped everything would be okay when she came back up. Sixteen hours her family fought and finally she would hear a voice call for her. She ascended from her pit to find her mother stained in blood, tears streaming down her face, holding her father’s crest. “Get away from here Audriana…get…far away…” she choked and took her last breath. Audri held her mother for hours that night, hoping she’d been dreaming. Finally her mother’s body melted to dust. She knew what she had to do. She walked out of her room, a war zone was all that was around. Her beautiful home, now in a rubbled mess and she was left homeless. She descended what was left of their grand staircase and found her father’s frozen body lying at the bottom. He too, was lifeless. She fell to her knees and held him tight. She never got to say goodbye.
It was that point, the echo of a knocking came to the castle. Her childhood friend, Jacques. A human boy of 10 who lived in the town governed by the castle. He knocked and knocked, waiting for an answer. Audri did not know better, but she knew she couldn’t tell him about her family’s background. She convinced him that her parents were regular humans and had been killed by vampires and cruzniks. His parents took pity and insisted she stay with them. She did. Seven years she lived with his family. To their family, she was an odd child though. No one ever seen her during the day and she was out all night long. But Jacques stayed up throughout most of the nights with her, and one night, he confessed his emotions toward her.
.x.Audri.x. · Tue Oct 31, 2006 @ 06:51am · 0 Comments |
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Part II
“These past ten years that I’ve known you, there’s been so much I’ve wanted to know, but I’ve decided that you will tell me in time. I am seventeen now, and you, sixteen. My parents wish me to start thinking of a family now to carry on my father’s legacy.” he took her hand in his and looked in her eyes deeply. “I want to carry on that legacy with you. I love you Audriana.” His eyes shown brightly in the moonlit as he confessed his love and Audri started to cry. She knew he had to know if they would be together. She sat him down and began to explain.
“My father, he was Count Lewden…Cruznik…” immediately Jacques was overwhelmed, but he kept listening. “My mother was a half-breed, half human…half vampire…so I, I too am Vampire…but I do not feed from humans, I am like my father, a cruzniks.” By now Jacques was in dismay, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He glared at her and pulled away quickly.
“Your kind killed my ancestors! How can you betray me this way?! How could you LIE to me?! I loved you! I almost carried on my life with you!!” She tried to calm him, but he wouldn’t listen. “I don’t ever want to see you again!!” he yelled, shaking her away. “You are NOT welcome here!!” He hollered, turning his back and running home. It was then that Audri knew she needed to leave.
Years went by, she found sanction in the woods, living off of wolves and occasional passing humans. She fought vampires and strengthened herself with her hands. She made weapons from tree branches and learned to wield a staff. By the time the year turn 1801, she had learned to make her keep in the woods. She carved a home from a tree, built water ways from the river to serve as a bath, and made friends with an elder man. This man decided to take her in. He knew of orbical magic, psycho-kenetic powers and how to successful wield any and all weapons. He taught and trained her all he knew. Hearing her story, he felt he should be kind enough to take her in and support her. But as five years passed, in the year of 1806, the old man passed away and Audri moved on, mourning his death heavily. He became like a father to her. After that, she knew what she had to do, suppress her feelings from the past and try to move on. But she was only afraid she wouldn’t be able to and she would fail herself.
‘I missed you last night Jacques…and again, I’m sorry.’ she murmured, pulling a blanket around her body and curling into herself. ‘I love you…’
.x.Audri.x. · Tue Oct 31, 2006 @ 06:50am · 0 Comments |
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heart I'm quitting school. It blows. I'm finding out that I'm not doing as good as I could be and I have other things in mind that I'd rather do anyway. domokun
heart But I have better things online too. I just started Roleplayong a new character, Audri, she's so pretty!!! 4laugh From the way things have been going, she's falling in love too. But... talk2hand ...that's another story. twisted
ninja So I'm about to send a bad letter to KETV in Omaha. They made me so mad with their story they put out about my best friends little brother who supposedly shot and killed his best friend...the detectives believe he did it on purpose but the people who know him know that he couldn't do such a heinus crime. I'm sick of people trying to tell lies to get a story. And shame on you Donald Worth, you are an a*****e for saying he did it on purpose. evil
You-----------------------------------> burning_eyes <------------------------------------YOU!!
Ok so I'm done venting. stressed 3nodding
Comments please, if you want info on that case, go to my myspace profile and read my blog about it.
www.myspace.com/deadlyinsecration
.x.Audri.x. · Sat Oct 28, 2006 @ 02:40am · 0 Comments |
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