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Yeah, its been a while. A lot of things have happened since i last posted, and I really dont care to elaborate more than to tell you that me and my girlfriend broke up. Its hard...its only been about a week and a half, but...Its harder than i expected it would be. I dont know whats going through my own head and...I'm really quite tired of being here, sometimes i wish i could just disappear and not come back for a while...sometimes not ever....but those are rare occasions...Well i'll let this end here.
 Odhinn · Sun Oct 09, 2005 @ 09:31pm · 1 Comments |
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Odhinn · Tue Aug 30, 2005 @ 10:40pm · 4 Comments |
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Well, saturday, my grandmother died. She's been in the hospital for the last two and a half, almost three months. Monday we buried her, in the casket that my grandfather had hand-made. basically she stayed alive so that she could see it finished. Why do I say that? because three hours later, she died, after he showed her the pictures of the finished casket. All in all...i'm all right at the moment. I have a lot on my plate, but i can deal with it, I always do. This is all i'm going to type, i dont have much for a feel of adding to this blog at the moment.
No lyrics guys, my creativity center has shut down
Odhinn · Thu Aug 18, 2005 @ 02:32pm · 3 Comments |
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Odhinn · Thu Jul 28, 2005 @ 03:56am · 1 Comments |
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Odhinn · Sat Jul 16, 2005 @ 01:13pm · 1 Comments |
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Odhinn · Mon Jul 11, 2005 @ 08:52pm · 1 Comments |
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Well guys I'm back again. Funny I haven't posted on my gaian journal this much. Ever. Don't know what the deal is lately, but I guess that I'll just keep posting and see how many people are actually going to take notice and see if I am worth reading about. I doubt it, but there are always those moments that you'd never know why you read someone else's journal but you're glad that you did. Man, my day has been boring. I've done nothing but sit on the computer and watch T.V. All of the books that I have I'd like to read, but I've read them each at least three times since I got them, and I'm quite tired of reading them already.
Well here's the deal you weird people actually reading my journal. I was at the beach for seven days, and I had a blast. To tell the truth I missed all of my friends, my mom, and my fiancee a lot, but I really didn't want to come back. I was free from troubles that I had been seeing here and I didn't mind not having to deal with them. But now that I am back I've got to get back into the swing of things and take care of this business with my mom and grandmother and see whats going to happen. I'm not too sure I'm ready to be back yet, I'm still feeling the ocean on me and wishing that I could still taste the salty air.
Don't get me wrong I am so glad to be back with my fiancee and my family, its just that freedom is something that I cant get very often. And when I do get it, I don't want to let go, whether I have to or not. I don't know why, but I feel like sometimes people just don't give a s**t about what I have to say to them, even some of the people that I am closest to. I know that they really do care about what I say, and the things I tell them, but sometimes, it just feels like they let it flow over them and never really listen to what it is I'm trying to convey to them. I miss the people at school that I hung out with, but right now I need a little peace from everything that I'm not ready to face. Like my Senior year of high school.
That's one thing that scares me the most. Last year of high school, don't ******** up or I'll be stuck here again and wont be able to get a job for another year. And yet to stay with my friends would be great. The terrible fact of the matter is that I'll be on my own by the end of that summer. I'll probably have my own place, and my own job and I'll be thinking about where I'll be going and what I'll be doing for the rest of my life. I just feel like I'm standing outside of my own body and watching everything blow by.
I'm really worried about my relationship too. There are things that have been popping up and I don't like them. She hardly tells me things anymore, and when she does do something that has to do with me, she wont even leave me a small message telling me that she did it, or she doesn't let me know that she did it when I get to talk to her again. I know that I'm being silly and ignorant and pretty damn stupid, but I always thought that communication was a big part in a relationship. There are some things that she wont tell me that I really need to know sometimes, and there are other times where she tells me things a little too late.
I cant really complain though. I love her a lot, and I wouldn't want her hurt. I may complain but I am pretty happy with her, and nothing in this world can change my mind on that. There are people that have tried, but for some reason, I cant bring myself to do anything that would make me unfaithful. I've changed a lot since I've grown to be a 17 year old young man, and some of the things I love, while there are other things that worry me and make me wonder why I do them. It may all sound strange, but I don't rightly care what people think of my life. And for that matter I don't rightly care what they think of me. But once other people that I care about are brought into the picture, theres a side of me that protects them more closely than most of their own mothers lol.
I don't know why I've made this entry so long, but if you're still reading, I'm glad for you. You've gotten past all the laden-down bullshit and gotten to some more stuff that may make you wonder why you're still reading.
My life at the moment is pretty hectic. I don't know whats going to happen in the school year to come, and I don't have any clue as to whats going to happen to my family and the one man that I may be glad to actually call Dad. I don't know what'll happen if I lose another grandmother, and I don't know what'll happen if that man loses his mother. From things that have happened to him before it wouldn't be too good. Of course that stuff never is. I don't know whats going to happen with me and Sary, and I don't know what'll happen with my little sis Mandy-chan. I don't want either of them hurt, and yet I know that one of them will be, and I'm beginning to wonder which one it will be.
I want to protect both of them, not let them be hurt at all, but I know I cant shelter them like that. And I also know that the pain that they may have to endure is a part of life, but sometimes one person will feel like they must protect the ones that are dearest to them, no matter the consequences or the cost. I love Sary, and I love Mandy-chan, and I really do know which one will be hurt, but I'm not going to say who and why. I know that me and Sary will get any differences sorted out, and I know that I can help Mandy-chan with almost anything that comes up.
But if the one that I think might get hurt, does get hurt, then I know there will be a lot of things that I will have to do to try to help them pick up the pieces. I don't want them to wonder why I didn't say anything, but if I do say something, then wouldn't that be hurting them more in the long run? If they expect it, they'll dread it and they'll make it worse when they wait for it. If they don't know when its coming or from which way, then they wont be hurt as much as I would have made it.
Girls, don't worry, I promise that I'll try to protect you, but if I cant, please forgive me, I don't know what I'd do if I did it out of not acting. Mayu, you be careful with that heart of yours, its taken us both a long time to sort out the knots and tears that were in it. Sary, don't worry love, theres a lot of things going on at the moment, a lot of them concern our future and some of the things that I wish could happen, even if there are some forces that will stop me from achieving those goals.
Well people I'm going to run. I'm just babbling and I should stop. I've got an idea for a song, so I'll try it out on you and you can let me know how it sounds in your head and looks in front of you on your computer screen. Lol.
<center>Standing Outside Myself
Listening to the sound
Of a broken heart,
Left by one who didn't know
Scarred by one who didn't show
What she was feeling
Who she really wanted.
I'm standing outside myself
Looking around with tears
Screaming from my eyes.
Standing outside myself,
Without a clear thought in my mind.
Looking around without a care
I don't want to live this life
Not without taking those dares
Otherwise I?d turn to the knife.
Standing outside myself
Wondering why I never
Took the reins from life
Wondering why I never
Stayed away from the knife.
Standing outside myself
And looking at all of the scars
Seeing the tears in your eyes
And your looks at the stars
The tears from the day that I died
Now that I'm here,
But so far away
How will you deal
With the pain that I left for you.
And now that I'm outside myself
How will you live your life
After I had become so much.
Will you find another,
And forget about me?
Will you embrace another,
And finally be free?
</center>
Tell me what you think guys, even after all the babble, hopefully, you felt like reading my stuff lol
Odhinn · Mon Jun 13, 2005 @ 12:26am · 1 Comments |
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Dementia After The Beach For A Week |
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Ah, I am back and you guys have no clue how good it feels lol. I'm back in my own bed with my own stuff. But i had a BLAST at the beach, I wish I lived there. The sun the sand (Not the hot sand, just the sand) And the ocean...it was great. Besides, having girls coming up to me when I'm just sitting there is a bonus, especially when THEY'RE the ones that are all nervous lol. Well let me start this out the right way.
Last Wednesday (the 1st of the month) my cousin asked me to go to the beach for a week with him and i said HELL YEAH. It's only like....the 2nd or 3rd time that i've been to the beach lol. And i love it, i cant get enough of that place lol. But anyway, i have some stories to tell but i dont want to post thousands of entries just because of all the stories. If you want to know them, PM me, IM me (yahoo AIM or MSN), or call me if you have my phone number lol.
Okay, to all the people that missed me while i was gone. I'm sorry that i didnt have time to tell you that i was leaving for a week lol. I had fun and got some of you different things...(well the people that live near me i did) and I got a tan, so its no more... OH MY GOD A GHOST! when i'm walking around at night lol. And i got a little sunburnt but nothing too terrible. Unless you count my lip, which keeps splitting and hurts like hell when i eat my favorite foods lol. But it was fun so i cant complain a whole lot...
Ah another paragraph, this time to someone in particular.
Drake, look man, i'm sorry if you're still being delusional. Sarah may tell you a lot of things, but did you ever stop to think, that maybe she says some stuff to you so that you wont jump all over her and get pissed? Its a little sad when she used to mention me as her boyfriend, that you'd get pissed just because YOU couldnt, and STILL cant ever have her. But heres the deal, you can go and keep believing everything that you read or hear or whatever, and i'll go with what i see, feel, hear, touch, taste, hold, cuddle, and whatever else i may happen to be doing with her. I mean...i dont know which seems more real....her TELLING you that she loves you, or her showing, telling me, telling others, and PROVING time and again that she loves ME....
Well thats all that i'll put in this entry, if you want to hear about my beach trip you know what to do lol.
No song this time guys, just dont feel creative XD
Odhinn · Fri Jun 10, 2005 @ 03:41pm · 0 Comments |
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Another Day...Another Problem. |
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Odhinn · Sat May 21, 2005 @ 12:57am · 4 Comments |
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