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What is described as a perfect life? My parents tell me that I have free college, I get fed and clothed. I live under a roof and I have 300$ a month to claim for my own. My mother says that I am a very lucky person and that I should enjoy the things that I have. What is described as a perfect life? The question is, why should I enjoy my life?
Behind that curtain of needs being met though, I am a very angry and destroyed person. I do not see my life worth “enjoying”. I have endured many painful body fractures and injuries. I have been victim to countess domestic violence. I have survived many a thing knowing that I would never step into the soil of tomorrow. I am isolated, but at the same time, I play pet and slave to my siblings. I wish I could do more with my power, but everyday holds something new to hold me down. I take care of kids I don’t care about every day. I clean a house that I don’t own, just so I can do it again tomorrow. I’m stuck in college, feeling neglected of my human emotions. I come home to no friends or wife, under a roof that I don’t want to live under. I know that in my heart this pain will never go away. I will always be here, trapped in my room.
My parent don’t care who I am, they don’t understand fully of who I am. I am a Monster. Day in and out, I go to a college class that I symbolize as a funeral service. I am stuffed in a room with other people that try their best not to show human emotion, or any kind of flicker or sneeze. The projector represents my coffin and the knowledge my execution.
Here is another page I wrote on the subject:
Going to college feels like I am stuck in a funeral home- waiting for my own execution at the same time. I go to sit in a class full of silent people, girls, guys: people people. They try their hardest not to act the slightest bit of human.
My teacher brings up the big white monitor, without a pause or care she shoves alien puke down our throats. He then expects us to completely understand it like his lesson is a fluffy pet to bring home. The others pretend like they have it all figured (yet I’m baking higher grades). They don’t say a word, no cough or sneeze, or ignite any feeling of emotion)
I’m trapped in that class like I’m being interrogated, the room is hot. All of the numbers and signs are giving me a migraine. The whole entire time I am suffocating


My mom says that I should enjoy what life I have, yet she has forced me to give up my childhood and teenage hood to take care of her mutts and rot away in a college I never wanted to go to. The moment my grades begin to drop she tortures me until it returns to an A. when I failed 9th grade. My mother mentally abused me with punishments. Calling me “a b*****d son” a “worthless son” “a man who will be just like my father”, She locked me away in my own pity, and forced me to stay in school.
I feel ashamed to be alive; all I do is cause trouble. Any time that I make a mistake my family shoot me down and stab me in the back like the hypocrites they are. I can’t go anywhere without people looking at my ugly face. My body is weak, and so are my skills. I’m too much of a typical person. I’m annoying, boring, and easy to piss off. The only thing I create form a relationship is blood and chaos. People see me as evil, I was born from and evil father, a monster. Therefore I am a monster too; it is funny how much I have in common. I can’t protect anybody because the attacker ends up becoming the victim of my trial. I am a virgin, I probably always will be. Every time I try to stand up, my parents shoot me down. I’m stuck in this isolation, and I want to die.
Right now I have a girlfriend, the first person I have actually called a person in years. I managed to leave the house with some of my “Juvenile trash” friends (or as my mom calls them”. We traveled down town to take care of Sharpie’s errands; He was trying to sell off a pocket knife to buy some food. By chance the Lightner Museum was open; it was the place we decided to go.
There she was a beautiful life- like female standing on an age- old bridge. I knew that she couldn’t rescue me. My friends Sharpie and Daniel saw what happened between me and her. They coached me into talking to her. We had a welcoming chat, and a mother later here I am. Cordia is my lovely girlfriend. I want to do everything in my power to have her as my wife. Even if I have to suffer college until I rip my heart out bleeding. She is the one because I know beyond flesh that she is the one for me. Cordia is a lovely person, she is different like me. She understands me and lives under the same stress as me. Her and I are monsters, we masturbate, we eat, we interact. We are different from our fake society. I shared everything of myself with her and so did she. Our pieces fit like a thousand piece puzzle complete. To me she is the only light, my only light and warmth in this cruel world.
I have always been a cruel and lonely person. Just like a cold world, my light can’t hold on for much longer. My b***h mother has announced that she and my dad are losing their jobs and that she is moving me away to Kentucky by this June. She expects me to dump my only happiness in life to go away (again) and take more college. I asked my parents if I could stay behind and rent an apartment. My parents told me that I may not rent an apartment, and that my girlfriend or any other girl I meet is worthless. My mother told me that eventually I am going to have to break up with her.
And I lay here, in my bed. I cry to myself because I know that eventually I will be alone again. The best woman on the planet that has been offered to me can’t be the one for me. I will again sit in a college class for years and s**t my brains out. I will play b***h to six kids and a whore mother for the rest of my life, and never know what happiness is like.
If I were a man of my own path, I would drop out of Florida college, say ******** you to my mom, tell her” yes, I am like my b*****d father, what the ******** are you going to do about it?!” pick my girlfriend up, run the hell out of state, and never come back.
What is a perfect life? Is it college? Is it money? Is it love? What is a life I could enjoy? Anyone but this one.