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I haven't posten in a billion years. I don't go on anymore.
I keep a written diary. A physical, paper-bound-with-glue one. And I feel that much better for it. Despite the fact that people could potentially pick it up and read it. Despite the fact that it requires me to manifest my thoughts and true intentions on paper. Its therapeutic. Its a keepsake.
I... I think I win.
 strawberry jelly · Sun Nov 12, 2006 @ 03:50am · 2 Comments |
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Cliques.
The very word may sometimes send some into a rant about how they're against cliques, and have never been in one.
However, if you look hard enough, almost everyone has.
The anti-cliques often turn into cliques themselves, I have noticed. Its like people who scorn trends, and blindly follow the 'anti-trend', claiming that they are different and original. But they're not; following the anti-trend is the same as following the trend.
Why can't people just enjoy what they enjoy, regardless of whether its popular or 'mainstream' or not?
But back to cliques.
In my oppinion, cliques have levels, or 'layers'. I have illustrated this with my very scientific diagram:
The black signifies the 'core members', who do all the planning of social events, accepting of new members, and laying down the often subconscious rules that all clique members must follow.
The dark blue signifies the main members, who attend all the social events and follow the core members. They have been with the clique for a long time.
The light blue are the people on the outside who either are:
-new members
OR
-people who are accepted and attend social events every once and awhile, but either have other people who they hang out with or they just don't feel like getting into the 'cliquing' experience.
As you can see, this 'cliquing' buisness can get quite complicated. And the funny thing is, half the time, people don't realize they are in the cliques until they've been in them for ages! It has happened to me. It can happen to you.
So this is my warning to everyone: Be on the lookout for hidden cliques!
They can suck you right in, and spit you back out. They can make you feel worthless and unloved. They can make you dependant on being included, when you should also learn to be able to appreciate solitude.
Hanging out with them is fine, if you know what your doing. Cliques are groups that should be handled with care; if you aren't careful, you may get burnt. So this is my awareness message, to just watch out.
Kay?
Kay.
strawberry jelly · Sat Apr 09, 2005 @ 04:57pm · 6 Comments |
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I am losing it.
It, of course, being what grasp over language and communication I ever had.
I feel like I'm going blind or deaf. Metaphorically, of course. Without the ability to be able to communicate how I feel through the written and spoken languages, It is like I am losing a part of myself. I know I have never been a superb writer, the one written thing I've ever been proud of being merely a fluke. But I still liked being able to at least communicate how I felt. Or write when I was angry or sad. It was another art I could indulge in when I needed to.
That art has been long lost to me, I now realize.
So now, how do I express myself? There is music. But lately I've been dreading music class. I feel like I am failing at music. Not the class, but but just at... it. I love music so much, but I feel like I'll never equate to the talents and levels as... as others. I cannot use it to express myself for, despite my love for music, I can't play any instrument to the level of being able to play whatever I feel at the moment on it. ... See? That probably made no sense. I cannot describe it. I cannot do it.
There is visual arts. I adore that class, and even like learning about the art history. Its interesting to wonder to myself who will be the next Leonardo, the next Michelangelo, Picasso, Monet, or Rembrant of our age. Yet everytime I draw, I start to feel hopeless. Because isn't art just geometry, just math? Just lines and graphs? But thats when it starts to confuse me. When I start to not get the art anymore. Because I feel like I can't do it anymore, with all these graphs and lines. Why can't I just draw? Why must proportion be so precise?
Hmm. I've just realized the total irony of this entry. I'm blogging about how I can't communicate. How. Stupid. Well, it did take a lot of effort to be able to put it down into words. Whatever. I'm going to shut up now.
strawberry jelly · Sat Mar 12, 2005 @ 07:28pm · 7 Comments |
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Out of curiosity. Who actually reads this? If you read this... please comment or something. I just want to know... and yeah. Because I am bored. O.o. So comment now!
strawberry jelly · Fri Feb 11, 2005 @ 03:12am · 11 Comments |
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Modeled after Effi's and Beccy's? Like anyone will read it anyways. xP
I am myself.
I am who I am.
I am Kimberly.
I wish I could shrink
from my 5'8" height
I wish I was small.
I wish I as invisible.
I think in emotion.
My thoughts can never have entirely clear images or sounds,
but a clear and definate feeling.
Music can completely change my outlook on life at times.
I doubt my emotions.
I wonder if they truly exist?
They are so fast, so quickly changing.
Yet so intense.
Does that make them fake?
I'm a hopeless romantic.
I believe in true love,
and hope to be in love some day.
I think people need problems.
To grow, and to learn.
How can you learn if you've made no mistakes?
I'm a believer in God, in a higher power.
I am beginning to be really ticked off lately.
Watch out, or I may
explode.
I like invisibility.
Although I embrace attention.
I am weird.
I like to keep secrets.
I'm much too sensitive
For my own good.
I think I'm good at hiding.
But then I could
be very wrong.
I never know how to react
in many situations.
Thats when I freeze,
Like a deer caught in headlights.
I
AM
PARANOID.
This 'poem' is
much too
pessimistic.
Inside jokes make me smile.
I have a great need to
express myself.
I have lost my grasp over language.
And I cannot seem to convey my emotions
properly.
I am weak.
I am a whale.
I am sheltered.
I am thankful for so much.
I will always be uncertain.
I am Kim.
And I just lost myself. O.o
((This has been a poem brought to you whilst being in a pessimistic mood. The ******** end.))
strawberry jelly · Wed Feb 02, 2005 @ 02:36am · 3 Comments |
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Rabbit Hole Day is a holiday on Livejournal, January 27, which is the birthday of Lewis Carroll, author of Alice in Wonderland.
More information on the day here, if you're just that curious. xP
Here is my entry, identical to the one on LJ. It was my account of thursday.
Yesterday was an average day. It all started as I crawled out of my vent in the morning, very refreshed from my earlier state of unconsiousness. That night my basement had gone down to -275 degrees, and penguins performed lovely dances on the ice that had resulted as my bedroom floor. Now, back to crawling out of my vent. I sleepily turned off the fire engine that had awoken me, and ate my way through the wall of jello that the mice had put up, to heed me not to eat any cookies.
I put on my rainbow-polka-dot corset and matching hat, and went upstairs to disturb the kittens and elephants. Luckily, the kittens were already drinking donuts, as the muffin fed them already. I braved the hall of strange eyes to get to the elephant's hideout. He swam up to greet me, rather disgruntled that he was wearing the green shirt, so I gave him the red one and he ate some peanuts. Soon, I had to brave the King of Ice.
After I put the kittens and elephants into their flowers, I greeted the King head on. He slashed me with a sword of polar bears and sticks, and shoven ice and snow in my ears and eyes. But I defeated him, oh yes I did. He had forgotten about his weakness - angels. Using my powerful skills, I summoned the great angel of fire unto the King. Oh, he didn't see those cupcakes coming. After his defeat, I was on my way to the institution of pink hair elastics.
I approched the building with caution... it looked menacing. It glared down at me as I tried entering, and bit me on the way it. Oh, how painful it was! But I dabbed it with a raccoon and the pain subsided. I proceeded to surf a red, poufy coat up the stairs to the 'corner' as it is called in these parts. The 'corner' is a gathering spot for interesting creatures. When I got there, 3 of them were there as well. There was a tapdancing hippie-van that seemed to be scratching at two, tired cowboy boots with pink and blue legwarmers. Although you can never quite tell with those hippie-vans... Anyhow.
Soon, the air seemed to be filled with a purple banshee's percing and mournful wail, so I and one of the boots (The inversed one) trekked to the torture chamber of the Queen of scotland. We asked her permission to excuse our humble selves from her dear majesty's torture service today, and she agreed. So we went to visit the non-inversed boot in her virtual world. As soon as we entered the room, we were instantly turned into pixel images! I was so shocked, I accidentally killed kirby three times with a treasure chest, meaning he is still alive (Thank goodness)! The non-inversed boot left us for the hippie van, however, and they went for a lovely dinner at the chateau laurier. (Of course, they brought along the polka-dotted lady, who helped pay.) The inversed boot went off to a mad scientist's lab, and I was all alone, with strange shadows staring in my direction.
I ran upstairs weeping, and ran into a large and decorated butterfly. We both flew happily back to the torture chamber of the Queen of scotts, and even said hello to Scott himself, who was with a red-haired male ballet dancer of the 50's. The butterfly and I were split up, unfortuanetly, as we were made to play a crazy, crazy game involving trivia, pools, and red hot fire-pokers. Somebody complimented me on my corset, and I blushed a bright shade of cerulean blue. I then spoke with a giant pineapple with blonde hair! We didn't win any radishes however.
During lunch, I ventrued against the King of Ice again, this time with the polka-dotted lady, to purchase some horses and dandelions for The lady's insane kittens. The King of Ice had grown weaker since I last battled him, and I laughed in his face as we ran past his noses. As we bought some freshly grown dandelions, the lady pulled out a rather large and tickly watch, claiming we had 0.5787 seconds to get back to the institution of pink hair elastics! Panicking, we were about to borrow a large paper plane on wheels from the store, however they found us out. But we had to keep the reptiles happy. We, instead, herded the horses back to the institution. By the time we got there, they had turned into rather beautiful sheep. The deranged kittens of the lady weaved the wool into a large hat that fit over the institution, and kept the building warm, thus lowering our heating bills!
I rushed in a mad dash to the mad scientist's labratory, and met a vixen in a strange, red dress. I immediately knew SHE was the one trying to steal my fiancee! We got into a b***h-fight, but resolved it using toothbrushes. Then, the banshee started screaming again and I rushed to the room of melodies and mystery. A strange figure walked up to me when I got there, and claimed itsself to be the phantom. But I knew better. I asked politely if I may take its mask off, and it turned out to be none other than miss Hippe Van! Scandalized, my jaw dropped from my face and rolled 1.5 meters away. I retrieved it and we spent the rest of the time watching strange, colourful images on a cardboard box.
Afterwords, I joined the inversed boot, the blonde pineapple, and a black kitty in the room of trippy colours. The inversed boot started making a beautiful flower, but stopped half way through, and shoved the pineapple into a bucket of paint instead. He was locked inside! He used a makeshift microphone made out of bubblegum and pencils to project his voice into the mind of a teacher walking by, who saved him. Our evil plot of the day was ruined. Sadly, we trudged to a waiting tulip festival float that, with the help of a turtle dressed as an angel, took us to each our individual closets. I neatly packed myself into my closet and it suddenly lurched forwards, taking me to my house, where a muffin and Jesus were waiting for me. And I instantly fell asleep.
strawberry jelly · Sat Jan 29, 2005 @ 02:02am · 3 Comments |
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Kimmy is thinking that she needs some new CDs. However, she wonders how to overcome her definate lack of monetary funds. She could work at KFC, as apparently they need a worker, but Kimmy doesn't want to take a job away from Dorothy. She needs a job. But people are feeding her information that KFC is a bad place to work and that she should look somewhere else. But Beccy wouldn't reccomend the place if it would be so horrible, correct? Kimmy is confused.
Kimmy also doesn't know why she is talking in third person. Perhaps she will go and listen to some Alanis and try and forget about life.
strawberry jelly · Wed Jan 19, 2005 @ 11:37pm · 2 Comments |
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[Random] I seem to be acting ditzy and stupid as of late. I wonder why? xd [/random]
This Happy list is a novel idea. This is mine, also in no order:
1. Friends
2. Family
3. Drawing/Painting
4. Music, Listening to and making it.
5. Reading a good book, curled up in a big comfy chair with hot chocolate, while its pouring outside.
6. Reading Friends' blogs
7. Eating ice cream
8. Staring in awe at the complexity of the sky when its finished raining, when the clouds are sharp and the sun is golden.
9. Accomplishing a goal
10. Finishing a project (Academic or not)
11. Sleeping in late
12. Waking up early, but yet not being tired, so one can enjoy the beauty of the morning
13. Having a conversation with someone you like/admire
14. Compliments
15. Realizing that you can make others happy
16. Christmas Shopping!
17. Planning surprises
18. Understanding
19. Belonging
20. Realizing your loved
21. Watching a good movie
22. Recieving gifts
23. Giving gifts
24. Drinking Tea in the evening
25. Drinking Coffee in the morning
26. Learning to play a song
27. Sleepovers
28. Parties
29. Leadership camp (The normal and musical varieties)
30. Overuse of text-emotes (ex. (n.n))
31. Getting switched into a class you think you'll dislike, but finding out its really fun!
32. The paranormal
33. Listening to your mother get over-excited over something frivolous
34. A Sister's smile
35. A Brother's laughter
36. A puppy's trust
37. Starbuck's Strawberry & Creme frappacino (That stuff is God in a cup topped with whipped creme!)
38. An exciting/fun dream
39. Finding the meaning of dreams
40. Pouring sugar into you're already sugar-filled drink
41. Newborn Puppies
42. The number 42! And spotting it everywhere.
43. New mattresses with crazy cushiony things.
44. Shopping
45. Pixeling
46. Reading comics
47. Explaining Gr. 10 science to you're sixth grade sister, and having her understand it.
48. Running barefoot in field with soft grass
49. Running around in warm rain
50. Champagne with Orange juice
51. Birthdays
52. Coincidences
53. When things rhyme
54. Seeing the true beauty in something/someone
55. Inside jokes
56. Thunderstorms
57. Rushing home from a trailer camp-thing to avoid a supposed tornado, to only find out later that the place you were driving through had a tornado going on at the time you were driving through it.
58. A lake
59. Candles floating 'pon the lake with shooting stars above, and surrounded by friends.
60. Ice cream Cake
61. grilled Cheese sandwiches
62. Listening to your grandparents tell tales of the 'good old days'.
63. Dressing up
64. Wearing Pyjammas
65. The week-break after exams
66. Waking up at four in the morning and realizing you get 3 more hours of sleep
67. Finding something in common
68. Taking pictures
69. Planning humourous gifts for other people
70. Funny commercials
71. Going to the cottage
72. Getting good grades
73. Making new friends
74. Making Happy Lists
75. Emoticons
76. Finding money on the ground
77. Finding large amounts of money in old coat pockets.
78. Reading a fascinating news article
79. Astronomy
80. The sky
81. Romantic novels
82. Finding odd patterns
83. Finding things that rhyme
84. Singing
85. Crying
86. Recieving Praise
87. Distributing Praise
88. Musicals
89. Getting mailed letters
90. Winning a contest
91. Weddings
92. Receptions
93. Thinking up Usernames
94. Random acts of kindness and Senseless acts of beauty.
95. Looking back, and seeing how far you've come
96. Reading something with a meaning
97. Silly faces
98. Hugs and Kisses
99. Love
100. Reaching 100! W00t!
Yaaay! I made it! *random thank-you speech* xP Anyhow. That certainly brought my spirits up!
strawberry jelly · Mon Nov 29, 2004 @ 01:50am · 3 Comments |
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