O.o
Yes, Kasie has been thinking again. She has told her best friends and boyfriend more about her past in the last month than she has told anyone previously. She has gained access to a majority of the intelligence that she locked away in sixth grade and is slowly slipping back into her natural personality. It is scaring her. At the same time that she finds her carefully constructed Kassie-mask slipping she is struggling to figure out who she's going to be when it completely falls in order to forewarn the people that she hopes will stick with her when she changes.
1) Mason
2) Kat
3) Anna
4) Brittany
5) Andrew
6) Jeff
But she is completely lost. The person that she really is, isn't who she thought she was. All of the little quirks an nuances she used to have and thought she still posessed are either worse than they were or completely gone...
But i have been doing some thinking lately. About some things that have been bothering me. And i would like to adress those issues now.
1: I am not in love with Derek. I spent so many years of my life thinking myself completely undesirable in any way shape or form that i latched on to the first guy that i could find that didn't go to my school an convinced myself that i was in love with him. I am not. The only person i have ever truely fallen in love with despite what i thought at the time is Mason Goldbeck. End of story
2: The only reason i haven't locked myself away from the world this summer and hidden in my house not answering the phone or opening the door is because people depend on me. If people that i cared about didn't depend on me to be there and be myself i would probably never talk to anyone again all summer...
3: I have too much random crap going on in my head. There is a part of my brain that is constantly exploring every possible outcome in detail to every possible situation so i have the capability to predict and influence the outcome in my favor or in someone elses favor depending on the situation. And this part of my brain has over the years been slowly eating the rest of my brain looking for a place to escape because it has so much body to it but nowhere to go. So to fix this and hopefully uncloud my brain and make it easier for me to focus and actually communicate with people i have started a "random s**t" journal thingy that i will now carry around just about everywhere so i can get rid of all of that random junk that occupies my thoughts and makes me spacy and innattentive
4:The following people make up the people i consider my group of friends
Kat, Mason, Anna, Jeff, Brittany, Andrew, Lauren, Driskill, Heather, and Sebastion to an extent... Thats it.. anyone else is either an aqquantence or someone that i get along with and coexist peacefully with or someone i dislike... I may hang out with these other people when i have to but these are the people i would choose to hang out with over everyone else... the exceptions being Driskill and Sebastion in most cases... no offense guys...
And thats about all i can think of at the moment but trust me when my ranting mood returns, probably sometime after i've slept a bit, i WILL continue with my self descovery...
 mistress_of_insanity · Sun Jun 24, 2007 @ 07:05am · 14 Comments |
