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Well I just wrote this really long journal entry about how pissed I was at my ex boyfriend and it didn't post and the whole thing was lost and it went a little like this message I sent to my friend ... "no kidding he's a f***ing a**hole that shouldn't have used me like that! He used me to be a trophy basically. and guess what? He didn't mean anything he said and he only wanted to stay with me until i left the school cause I wasn't there to show off that he had a girlfriend. He always liked bun since she got here and maybe before but he thought I was blind and didn't notice him hitting on her, M, D, and others some of whom told me about it. At least my friends tried to warn me and yeah i shoulda broke up with him but i felt bad breaking up with him but if he does anything else to piss me off I'll make him a bloody smear on the pavement. He already has by making out with bun the first day when I waited for him to kiss me for more than three months and then by making out with her at school when he wouldn't touch me with anyone looking except for a hug so F*** him. but I won't tell him that ..."

Let's just say that the rest of what the message said wasn't much nicer but I guess there was a reason why it didn't post. Maybe it didn't post cause my ex is going to read my journal or something i don't know... but things always happen for a reason. For instance, if I hadn't gone out with L the second time I would have never known that N liked me. then I would have never know what a good guy he really is. I mean sure he has this thing for blood and gore but what guy doesn't? Plus he's sweet, honest, mature, and silly, an excellent kisser, and has always been there for me when I needed him.

We match up in so many different things and he is so much like the perfect man I would want to date it isn't funny. I feel incredibly lucky that I found him and I hope I don't lose him. We can talk forever about nothing, we always get along, he's funny, he has a great personality, and i know he won't lie to me. It may be a little early to say this but I do think I love him. I know because I have known him for years but I never thought about him this way before and now I feel dumb for not realizing it sooner. So i broke up with his friend and found him so like i said things happen for a reason! heart 4laugh heart blaugh 3nodding heart 4laugh heart