Tomorrow.. tuesday, march 18th, is my 17th birthday. For a long while I felt depressed about my birthday. I hated the fact that I was getting older so fast, that I only have 1 more year left of high school. I didn't want anything, I told my friends, and my parents that I didn't want anything for turning a year older. I got so depressed I started crying just thinking about my birthday, over the march break I felt miserable everyday. It wasn't until I seeked help from one of my friends at the last minute, the end of the week, that I felt more excited; two days before my party.
Two days later, my birthday party took place. It was great, almost everyone showed up! I had a bad feeling though, that somehow things were going to go south. Sure enough, they did. Two of my friends got into a fight, I felt horrible because I could do nothing to help. The one friend that didn't show up was one of the people I was counting on the most, That made me depressed at the start. And to top it off, my best friend, the one I've known the longest out of them all; let me down.
I felt like I wanted to stop everything, I didn't think things could go so wrong on one night that was supposed to be so happy. I cried, I broke away from my friends, and cried alone. I hate when my friends see me unhappy, I know they want me to be happy. Finally, one of my friends came and found me, I tried to hide my sadness but we talked and I felt better. I felt like such an idiot, but afterward I was okay and returned to the party. I noticed that the two who had been fighting made up in their own way, or at least got along for the rest of the party.
The next morning was okay, well, I should say afternoon. Me and 3 of my friends stayed up until 6:30am, the other two slept. Coincedently, I woke up around noon and everyone was already awake. I made breakfast for everyone, and things were going good. It seemed like the things that had gone wrong the night before were fixed, and I was happy; for the most part. One after another, I said goodbye to my friends as they went home, and finally, two remained with me for most of the afternoon.
After they left, I got so depressed and grouchy, I got in an arguement with my parents, even though they did nothing to me. I was so angry about whathad happened the night before, I didn't even want to talk to them; even though I wanted to be alone. I went to be at around 10 that night, I was angry up until the moment I fell asleep.
Today, was alright. I was happy, I was so happy to be back at school. When i got home after school, I talked to a friend that didn't attend my party, he rbought up the party, and I got angry. There was a long conversation about what happened, until finally I got so tired of arguing with him, and crying, that I logged off and tried to relax again. I doubt the conversation we had will be forgiven, but I just want to try and forget so I don't do something I'll regret.
Tomorrow, is my birthday. I'll be happy to see it come and go. All I want for my birthday, is to be as happy and carefree as I was two summers ago. Back then things were easy, there was no drama, no fighting, no anger, no stress. I know things will never be that great again, but if spring comes and I can keep a positive attitude, I think I might see a time like that again.
I'll write again tomorrow, hopefully I will have a better afternoon, and a better day all together.
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Nami's Online Journal
A source of self-expression and creative input. I'll post poems, important things in my life, drawings (maybe), and role-playing works.
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Nami Elementallist
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User Comments: [1] [add]
Community Member
Whats up?
Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time no see/talk.
happy birthday, even if your dreading it, i couldnt get on earlier this week. crying
pm me!