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I never had a heartbreak before, it feels like you've been broken internally, it feels like everything you lived for is gone. Like you have nothing to live for anymore, it feels as though your heart has been stomped on continuously, like it's been ripped out of your chest. Like there's no way to put it back in. Right now I feel as though I've been betrayed, I don't have anywhere to turn. As I'm writing this, my keyboard is drenched with tears every key I hit has an abundance of tears on it. How I feel right now I can't even describe, when I heard "I need some time to think....to breathe...to just be.." I felt as if the world stopped. I don't know what to do, I had to pause a few times while writing this I have never felt this horrible in my life, I have threw up at least 5 times within 2 minutes. I've read books when I was younger about heartbreak and it talks about how when you have it, you can't eat,can't think right, can't do anything and I always thought to myself "Oh, it can't be that bad..." Well, Erin you were obviously proven wrong this day. Today 5/18/08 I will never forget this day, ever! I want this pain to go away, but it won't it's like a dark cloud of depression hovering over my head, I can't have any optimistic thoughts, and to be honest I don't want to right now all I can think about is Tobias. I blame myself because like always it's my fault, I know it is. There's no way around it, I just know. I feel like i've been shot several times right now. After my share of bad luck and being inthe hospital so much, I have never in my life have been in such unbearable pain as I am right now. I always thought why someone would want to take their life at such a young age, what mentality could they be in to put such a burden on themselves and their family. Now, I know what mentality their in because that is them mentality I'm in right now, I feel like I should take my life and get it over with, I have nothing to live for. Who knew I would turn out like this? I didn't...
I always thought of myself as the perky,happy person, I'm not right now, I'm the complete opposite...
 3 R 1 1 n · Sun May 18, 2008 @ 04:25pm · 6 Comments |
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