...of life, of myself, of everything. I'm not special... I don't have something I do well, I don't have anyone that loves me, I don't have a good body or a great personality. I'm average at best in even my most skilled areas. I hate myself for that. I can't be amazing, I can't make anyone love me, I just can't. It hurts... it hurts so ******** bad. I hate myself, hate my loneliness, hate that I've never let someone close to me. I hate that I've missed so many chances. I hate that I've failed so many times. I hate that I can never be amazing. I hate that I hate myself. I hate that everyone thinks I'm someone I'm not. I hate that I'm too kind to people. I hate that I can't say no. I hate that I can't sleep. I hate that I can't stop thinkng. I hate that I'm scared every day. Scared of something ominous, something forboding. Something seems dangerous just coming over the horizon. I don't know what it is. I hate that I don't know what it is. Could it be death, could it be the day everyone realizes I'm not who I say I am? Why does it scare me to think that people could actually know who I am? I'm scared. Scared to be alone, scared of my hatred, scared of my mind, my "friend," my family, my thoughts. I want to be loved. I want to stop hating, I want to stop being scared...
I just want to hope, to see something good coming, to see a brighter day, to look foreward to tomorrow. I want to be free of these chains... I want to not hurt... to not hate.
 haruki_jitsunin · Fri Jun 20, 2008 @ 10:43am · 0 Comments |
