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i have met quite the many people on gaia and...i have decided...i need 2 come clean...i hear of people, those who will care 2 share, who have lives that seem...less then ideal... i have always said, 2 some of u i believe, that everyone has a story... when my mother was alive, she said that as well...she also said that 2 any, one person...their problems r the biggest in there lives...and i believe it 2 b true. 2 someone who has lived and lavished in the care and affection of their parents, it is a true horror 2 see them split apart... 2 a lonely boy or girl who just doesn't seem able 2 fit in in the world, it may scare them 2 think they will b alone 4ever...scare them 2 the point that they end their lives in haste...never knowing 4 sure the out come of just one more years time... i feel bad about my story in life..but i feel worse knowing people r suffering...and that's just sympathy...what about empathy? when u urself have gone through it as well? some of the horrors of life have thankfully not been mine...but i wish that they could not b anyone elses as well.

i am here 2 tell my story...in hopes of developing a connection 2 those with similar tales 2 tell. by doing this, i am doing the one thing i have tried not 2 do 4 years...mourn...i have seen what keeping things bottled up inside can do 2 people...and 2 those they love...at least that i have expierienced firsthand...

I was born in a plane...one hour before my family was scheduled 2 touch down in england. my mother was extremely adimint of the fact that it was 2 soon 4 me 2 b born. u see i was born two months ahead of time. silly huh? oh well...when i was born, my mother and i almost died right then and there...it was because of this that, when we finally reached england, she had already decided, along w/ my father, that we would live life 2 the fullest. u'd think a near death experience would have produced an opposite opinion, but no...she wanted me 2 see the world from the begining, and it had been her dream as well. when i was just a lad of three, we took our first trip 2 kii-gon china...i was 2 young, but i remeber the crisp sound of sparklers and loud, but beautiful sounds of the new years festival fireworks. 2 this day, i've always enjoyed the sounds of thunder and fireworks because they bring back such small, broken yet still, wonderful memories. Through out the years, i have travled 2 many places....italy, germany...other parts of europe, canada and other lesser known parts of the world...but only once have i been 2 china..i intend 2 return close 2 my death day so i can pass on in the place i can remember most fondly, and yet vaughly.

4 a long time, life was good 2 me. admittedly, i wasn't always as charming as people seem 2 believ...in my adolecence, i was a bit of a push over in the fall times when we would return 2 england. running my dear, loving nanny evette ragged. she was a kind woman who called me her son despite having no ties 2 me other then pay and apparently maternal instinct. she was the first of my loved ones 2 die...a stroke claimed her life early in the spring of 2001...she was 56....considerably young 2 die of stroke, but we all must go. i was distraught, but then my mother instilled the ideals of her and my father's way...2 be open minded and open hearted. it is because of them i had opened up, and tried 2 turn my life around...i studied the customs of my home and other places so i could b as open minded as possible. as a result, i try hard 2 please people and make up 4 my mistakes, as i know many try 2 as well. my life got back in order, untill in 2005 my father had an affair w/ a young woman who had essentially been like my sister...it was when we moved here 2 stay in the US... she lived next door and was attending a college nearby. she was sweet, though she caused distruption. her name was tabitha. my father, Able, was drawn 2 her like a moth 2 the flame, the poor scoundral... and my mother...was none the wiser 4 quite a while...though i knew, i dare not tell... then, in 2006 tabitha got pregnant with my father's child... i found out and tried 2 remain calm about it...but my father told my mother clarise anyway... when she had heard of the affair, she questioned us both...his as 2 why and myself as 2 why i didn't tell her...i had admitted that i had known all along at the same time that he admitted he had had the affair. a few days of awkward ness in my home...then...in june...my mother committed suicide...jumping off the golden gate bridge in San Franccisco...my father was crushed...i didn't know untill i returned home from school that day... then, my father told me that it was best 2 keep it all inside...which went against everything he and mom had taught me b4... i was confused, but 2 hurt 2 admit it, or resist...we lived with tabitha 4 a short amount of time, till she and the baby she was carrying inside lost there lives in a hit and run on the corner of my school's street... my father...dissapeared after that....only recently did they find his body...it washed up on the shores of california...the cause of death is still unknown...after that i went 2 live w/ a few relatives..but when they saw the nature and times of these of my loved ones deaths, they turned me away. it still isn't clear 2 me why... so i went 2 live w/ some friends...my friend...her parents took me in...i was deported once from the us, since i had no gaurdians, but they met me b4 that and fought 4 me 2 return...they got custody of me and now i live with them. i still travel w/ my older brother who visits me often, but i cannot live w/ him. his son hates me even though i'm his uncle and it is 2 frustrating living and looking at the faces of my mother and father...u see...my brother takes his appearence from our father...his son, our mother...and it was...2 painful...

but i try 2 remain happy, and live by the ideals my mother and father taught me growing up...

i hope that anyone who reads this can feel a connection. i wish 4 people 2 b open minded and open hearted as i have tried 2 b throughout my life because, somehow...it really does ease the pain...