The sounds of a pianos soft melody was all that I really had left to me at this point. I had lost it all in a river of tears and blood shed. What more was there that life could take away from me as I sat playing away my sad tone. There was nothing more that I wanted in my heart then to watch those memories of my family and friends come back to me in reality. There was nothing that felt so more unreal then the fact that they were gone. I wracked my mind trying to find the reasoning as to why they were taken away. I had done everything in my life the right way. Was this some horrible karma that I had coming my way. Was I doing the wrong thing that I thought was right. The answer never seemed to bubble to me in all of this time. Was it because of the things that I had seen? None of that was my fault. None of it was what I had asked for. Though now here I sat. Some broken down baby grand piano in the back of a instrument shop was all I had to call a home.
I laid my fingers down onto the Ivory keys. I couldn’t even play the pain in my heart at the moment. I lacked the skills to play a piano. I didn’t know what sounded good and what sounded bad. Slowly the pain was being heard but it a totally different tone. Tears broke out from behind my eyes and the sound in the air was that of a child crying. Weeping and uneven broken breathing. The small sounds of a heart screaming breaking out from behind their lips. The screams were my own broken down voice. A raspy sound that seemed so unfamiliar. The rest of the world being drowned by my own sorrows. Being able to hear my pain only made things that much worse. It wasn’t right to hear something so low and heart broken. What did that voice ever do to the world. There was nothing that a human could do that was so wrong to have this bought down upon them. Not one that had played by all of the rules and while I sat thinking this over I became to get enraged. There was people in this world that had done things that were wrong. They had done things that should have brought them this pain and not me. Why was I the one that had to pay for all of their wrongs. This world didn’t have to pick an angel to fall. I didn’t need to play the hero and hold the world onto my shoulders. Better yet who was it that decided I would have that title. I never asked for this to be my fate.
“Who gave you the right!” I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs. My eyes shooting up toward the sky along with my head falling back to look only deeper. I wanted to see the man that had brought me this pain. I wanted to see the one that thought it would be fun to put such a small little girl in pain. “Who gave you the right!” I screamed again as my hands balled up into fist and trembled. My cheeks flushing from the over coming anger that continued to follow from not getting answered. There could be no one up there for all I knew. The world could really be that unfair and I just sucked at life.
The clouds that hung over head began to whirl around and a cold air cut through me. That was nothing compared to the ongoing stabbing in my heart. I still had no answer from this man and I planned on getting something. My hands shot up from my sides and slammed down onto the piano keys letting out as much of an angered tone as I was belting out from my balled up throat. I stood to my feet trying to seem taller to the man that was staring me down. I knew that I was nothing in height in this world but I wanted to be known for once. All that had ever happened to me was getting walked all over on. I had been pushed to the ground time and time again only to be walked all over on. To only be kicked and beaten when all I was trying to do was try and gather my broken self back into one piece. What had I really done to life.
Rain drops began to fall from the sky. It wasn’t hard to tell which water droplets that were falling down my cheeks were mine and which were the skies. Though heat was burning in my cheeks the warmth of the tears was still known. They fell faster as I began to wonder why it was that it would rain on my black parade. My brain ran through a thousand and one ideas that all ripped more and more at my heart. The thought of angels mourning over my sorrow was the purpose of the rain. Were they looking down at me and seeing the hardships that I was suffering. Did they know how much I had truly lost and what it was like for me to be so alone.
Another rip of heartache ran through my chest. Starting from my fingertips and coursing though my veins tell it stabbed into my heart. Who was I? Who gave me the right to make such lovely souls cry over my stupid life. I was a little drama queen that really didn’t have it all that bad. There was more pain going on in the world then there was in my heart. There was people that were going through harder times then me. I was selfish to think of just myself. I still had things. I still had some form of hope deep in my bones though it was dug deep and may take forever to get out. I still had a chance didn’t I? At least I hadn’t died like they did. I’m sure that they all wished I would not be so angry with the one that had given them another shot. Another shot to be happy. Something that I might possibly have one day.
My knees gave way from under me and my body fell to the bench. It coiled itself into a ball and my cheek laid pressed against the cold wet keys of the piano. A small string of mixed notes came from it as I did so. The new pain tearing into my bleeding heart left my mind numb to the world spinning under my feet. I found that my eyes felt dead like a dolls as I stared off into space. The tears still pouring out from behind them as I hit an all time low. I was blaming angels for all of my problems. I was blaming the only ones that had been looking out for me. Maybe fate dealt me this card because I was going to better from it.
There was no way that anyone could better from all of the things that had just happened in my life. I was going crazy. The rain was nothing more then one more thing to bring me down. To wash over my body and make me fell that much more alone. Closing my eyes to this thought my bottom lip began to tremble as I wished all of the thoughts away. I didn’t want to face the truth of it all. It was too much and I wasn’t ready for it. All I asked for at this moment was so form of an answer to why it was happening to me. That was enough for me to make it through the night. I was sure that I wasn’t going to get my answer though. There was no way that things could possibly start looking up for me. Not this way.
Another swirl of coldness washed over me and I found my body slowly becoming less and less apart of me. My mind was so far away from life that I was wondering if I was dead. If this was what death really was and there was no angels at all. That it was all an act and all we did was float around in thought. That there really was no end for the madness and I was doomed to live a life in the pain. A harsh cracking scream came from my throat as I melted into the keys of the piano. Anything but that. I didn’t want to continue living or dying this way. There was no doubt now that I was still alive though. The burn in my choked up throat was all too real. Death would be more black, more nothingness. That was a emo thing to think of. A faintly shook my head trying to get back into my state of mind. This wasn’t who I was. I knew that I could become something more then a balled up mess of tears. Instead I found my heart being the thing that was growing farther and farther away from me.
I could honestly say that I liked the feeling of nothing then to feel anything at all. All there was left was the pain and agony. I pushed harder at the thing pulling my heart away. I could have it all at this rate. Soon I realized that it wasn’t just my heart that it was taking away. It was taken away all of my sense of awareness. All of the sight around me and filling it with the black nothingness of unconsciousness. I quickly slipped away into the warm darkness hoping that this was a place that I could call home. There was really the sound of nothing that matched the world now floating around me or more I was floating in. In my other mind though I played the sad lullaby that I wished I could bring to life on the cold Ivory keys that I had passed out on.
The warmth of the darkness was soon awaken by a golden rod light. I jerked to my feet only to feel my head spinning. I quickly fell back down to the Earth but not with my butt on the ground. The rain had stopped and I was no longer in wet clothes. The sun was shinning around me. I looked around through a blur wondering if I was dead and had joined the angels I had once been crying over. There was nothing at all of that sight once I fully came to. I had a blanket wrapped around my shoulders but was still in my spot at the piano. My mind became more aware now and I shuffled through my memory trying to figure out what could have possibly happened. Standing again the world didn’t spin. It only seemed more bright with the new lighting. There was still really nothing to my name nor a person that I knew. Giving up on really truly caring about what had happened I sat back down on the bench. I remembered the song that had been playing in my once blacked out state. Laying my fingers on the keys I tried to bring that once soft lullaby back to life.
The sound of the strings wrapped themselves around me and for once in a long time I felt at peace. I couldn’t imagine whether or not what I was playing really sounded all that good. All I knew was that I had all the time in the world to prefect it… And that was exactly what I was going to do. Play my life away.
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The thoughts of a restless mind.
This is kind of what it sounds like it is. It's different little quotes that I think of. Don't call me emo about them because I'm not and if you think that they are then your head is up your a**.
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