So I'm not ganna say I'm depressed. I mean I have been depressed before, and I'm definatly not right now.
But Im also definatly not happy
I kinda want to cry
Times like this make me wonder if I'm clinically depressed
I really feel like nobody gives a s**t about me
Like my friends care enough
But its not enough for ME
That careing that your family does
Ya know the kind that goes above everything!
I dont think I have that
Like if I asked them they would say that they care MORE then that much for me
But I dont believe them
When It comes down to it
I'm disposible
That wouldnt make me feel as bad if people were desposible to me
But they arent!
Everyone I know even though I hate some of them
Most of them I would actually die for
People mean SO much to me
My mom, my brother, my dad, even my aunt even though shes a horid b***h!
I would do ANYTHING for them
My friends too
And even though nobody who reads this knows how much I hate her
I would still do alot for Leanna
I hate her so much she was horrible to me
But I know her
I'm a very empithetic person
Even though I have always known that people still point it out
They call it a gift but its not
I already have to fell for myself I would rather not feel for you too
But the thing is that really I do
Even though it herts to think of how your feeling
I still want to know
I'm a very curious person
I can't handle not knowing
If I never understood anyones pain
Or if I never understood the other side of the story
I dont know what I would do
If I didnt feel bad for you when you stabbed me in the back
People constantly let me down
But I HATE letting people down
I am horrible at holding a grudge
Even when it seems I havent let it go
I just say I hate them
I think it makes more sense then,
oh ya HER oh well I forgave her for mentally torchering me
I think I may be mentally ill
and nothing I say ever make sense to anyone
But I swear I mean what I say
Even if it doesnt make sense
It has to be just the way I'm saying it
This may come as a shock to...hmm.....well everyone that I know
But I actually have a problem getting my thoughts out
Like saying what I mean
Hmm
Teen anxst
I probly spelled that wrong
But I guess in the end none of that really matters
It just matters that when I die
All my friends
All my family
People who hated me
People who I liked who didnt like me back
People who liked me who didnt recieve my feelings in return
Even people who never felt the need to talk to me
but they saw me around school and thought I was a cool person
All of them will show up at my funeral
When I decide it has to end
Most of them will cry
I will become a sad memory of thier past
because even when I star in the story
Its not about me
It never is
and it never will be
Thats fine
Really it is
because if the spotlight was on me
I would just screw it up
You would see me and how I cant keep my mouth shut
I say things I mean
Even though I didnt mean to say them
I mess everything up
When its about me
Its never right
Its always bad
But even though I dont want to be the center of attention.
It would be nice
If they could still see me
Everyone thinks my mask doesnt exist because I put everything out there
But it never occured to them that I'm still hiding
I hide behind it all
My mask just does what its supposed to
It masks who I really am
I think I will live out my life
Just to see if anyone looks hard enough to notice its painted on.
Hidden in plain sight I will remain until you find me.
But Im also definatly not happy
I kinda want to cry
Times like this make me wonder if I'm clinically depressed
I really feel like nobody gives a s**t about me
Like my friends care enough
But its not enough for ME
That careing that your family does
Ya know the kind that goes above everything!
I dont think I have that
Like if I asked them they would say that they care MORE then that much for me
But I dont believe them
When It comes down to it
I'm disposible
That wouldnt make me feel as bad if people were desposible to me
But they arent!
Everyone I know even though I hate some of them
Most of them I would actually die for
People mean SO much to me
My mom, my brother, my dad, even my aunt even though shes a horid b***h!
I would do ANYTHING for them
My friends too
And even though nobody who reads this knows how much I hate her
I would still do alot for Leanna
I hate her so much she was horrible to me
But I know her
I'm a very empithetic person
Even though I have always known that people still point it out
They call it a gift but its not
I already have to fell for myself I would rather not feel for you too
But the thing is that really I do
Even though it herts to think of how your feeling
I still want to know
I'm a very curious person
I can't handle not knowing
If I never understood anyones pain
Or if I never understood the other side of the story
I dont know what I would do
If I didnt feel bad for you when you stabbed me in the back
People constantly let me down
But I HATE letting people down
I am horrible at holding a grudge
Even when it seems I havent let it go
I just say I hate them
I think it makes more sense then,
oh ya HER oh well I forgave her for mentally torchering me
I think I may be mentally ill
and nothing I say ever make sense to anyone
But I swear I mean what I say
Even if it doesnt make sense
It has to be just the way I'm saying it
This may come as a shock to...hmm.....well everyone that I know
But I actually have a problem getting my thoughts out
Like saying what I mean
Hmm
Teen anxst
I probly spelled that wrong
But I guess in the end none of that really matters
It just matters that when I die
All my friends
All my family
People who hated me
People who I liked who didnt like me back
People who liked me who didnt recieve my feelings in return
Even people who never felt the need to talk to me
but they saw me around school and thought I was a cool person
All of them will show up at my funeral
When I decide it has to end
Most of them will cry
I will become a sad memory of thier past
because even when I star in the story
Its not about me
It never is
and it never will be
Thats fine
Really it is
because if the spotlight was on me
I would just screw it up
You would see me and how I cant keep my mouth shut
I say things I mean
Even though I didnt mean to say them
I mess everything up
When its about me
Its never right
Its always bad
But even though I dont want to be the center of attention.
It would be nice
If they could still see me
Everyone thinks my mask doesnt exist because I put everything out there
But it never occured to them that I'm still hiding
I hide behind it all
My mask just does what its supposed to
It masks who I really am
I think I will live out my life
Just to see if anyone looks hard enough to notice its painted on.
Hidden in plain sight I will remain until you find me.
