Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

it was just this afternoon that i came up to realize what world i was entering into. i could hardly understand what it was. all i know is that i hate it. period.

the fact that i had chosen a course way too different than what i really wanted never bothered me. it was THAT different from my real field, yet, it took me several months to realize what i had gotten myself into. and a span of several months is too late for any back-outs and alike.

i wanted to. but 'too late' was slapped hard in my face, leaving me with no choice at all.

i always wanted to be a writer. and taking up nursing was the very last thing on my mind.

but there i was, sitting this afternoon on that old, but still working arm chair, my entirety wrapped with great regrets. if it's just the arm chair or me, that i do not know neither care, which suddenly made me feel uneasy.

i felt the sting of tears ready to spill from my eyes any moment, but had managed to control 'em, for God's sake. i don't wanna be remembered as the girl who just cried in the midlle of an RLE orientation. that would be lame.

i can't do it. not THIS.

nursing was beyond my wildest dreams. and i fear my failure. the disappointment of my parents and of my own self as well.

i cried.

i don't think i could do this. i wanted to scream. to let them know what i really wanted, to let them see that everything they wanted me to be is just not possible.

haaay. i wish i could get through this. i hope so.