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Where am I?

Where am I when I lay thinking of us?

Where am I when I think of the pain we’ve both suffered?

Where am I when I can almost feel you wrap around me?

Where am I when I remember the happiness we shared?

Where am I when I blame myself for both not having you here and for even pretending to myself that I could go on so easily?

Where am I when I feel the pain both of regret and betrayal?

Where am I when I get so angry, frustrated and upset that I can’t even decide what I’m supposed to feel?

Where am I when I want nothing more than to just bring my legs up to my chest, pretend I’m with you and you have your arms wrapped around me, and just wishing that I was there and that this was the dream?

Where am I when I learn of your pain, suffering, regret, and know that I cannot ease them?

Where am I when I just want to give up and say there’s nothing I can do?

Where am I when I choose to bottle everything up and never tell a soul and I get so terrified of someone finding out I can’t even write it down or type it up?

Where am I when I wrack my brain to figure out my life even though I know I’ll always come up a dollar short and a day late?

I am in the chaos that is my own mind when I find myself disconnected from you.

I am in the despair of a love that feels so out of reach and unattainable.

I am in the depths of my tortured mind where my beaten heart and Soul hide themselves.

I am in the place I try to forget that I have buried within myself.

I am in the uncertainty of a realm I have always lived in but never dared to explore.

I am anywhere that I am outside the touch of your love.

I am here.


-Zack Talrin