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it was my birthday yesterday.
well, couldn't consider it a happy one.
didn't celebrate it that much for it's my grandpa's funeral.

anyway, he greeted me through text.
and i was so overjoyed, after a couple of months of non-communication.
overjoyed, because he didn't fail to remember.
and i'll give him a credit for the effort.

it was strange though.
it seemed wrong, i mean, the way i'm feeling.
i didn't expect him to do that, neither did i want him to.

strange, in a way that, knowing myself very well, i should have been giggling the entire day, blabbering whatever it is i could about him.
but i didn't.

i was suppose to notice the sky being bluer, the grass gettin greener, the butterflies in my stomach, the flying colors and whatsoever.

i didn't.

well, i'm sort of *ugh* reconsidering the letting-go-and-moving-on process.

and i think i had reached the last part already.
i had come this far, you know.
and it really wasn't easy.

i'd come a long way, and i was like numb to everything.
the numbness felt good, protecting me from grief and anguish.

was i being unfair?
and selfish?

i never want to think of it as that.
either way, i still can't fool myself.

it's gone.
i'm almost over everything - the resentment, the grudge, the love...the 'him'.

hell yeah!
i am.

ahahaha.
got a lot of paper works from school.
as always.
as usual.

well, gotta get through these.
scared of what's coming.
hope it won't be that bad as i thought it would.

finished reading the twilight.
i'm halfway through new moon.

sweee-eet! blaugh