Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

"I HAD a good time tonight, Tomoyo-san."

She managed a tired smile. "So did I, Reiji-kun. I enjoyed myself immensely."

The young man bowed politely, but not low enough to conceal his gleeful grin, even with long blond bangs shielding most of his features. "It pleases me to hear that. I hope to see you again, soon?"

There was hope in his voice -- not a good sign. "I'll see you in campus," was her reply, before taking a polite bow to the waist and turning to take the stairs up to her apartment, not giving him a chance to suggest a good night kiss.

Once inside, Tomoyo closed the door behind her, and leaned against the door, leaving the room bathed only in the silvery light of the moon streaming in through the windows. Tired, she was -- Tira-chan meant well, and Reiji-kun was a nice enough guy (not to mention extremely good-looking), so a friendly date was arranged for them, on VALENTINE'S DAY. Tomoyo did like Kamatari Reiji, but not in that way, no.

And all because...

She closed her eyes, shooing away the train of thought, not liking where it was leading. Yet it persisted.

He's not Eriol, she thought resignedly, sighing.

^^^^*****^^^^

In the two years they were together, this was the first Valentine's Day she spent without him.

Odd, it was, celebrating it alone, or under the pretense of seeing someone else altogether. And as much as she would deny acknowledging it, Tomoyo knew the day was incomplete without him.

Six months, has it been? Somehow nights like these weren't as lonely, or as hurtful, as the other "ordinary" nights without him lounging in their room, sipping wine, the top two buttons of his dress shirt undone...

Tomoyo shook her head, in an attempt to clear these memories, and crossed the room to open the windows. Air, she thought, I need to breathe in something fresh. The cool night breeze tingled her pale skin, and she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself.

The night air wasn't this cruel, either. When she was with him she always felt warm, secure, as he held her and they lightly swayed to an imaginary tune. Unlike now, she felt that she had to endure the harsh whip of the wind on her face. Tomoyo could almost flinch. She did so inwardly.

She sighed, raising a hand to her hair and untying the satin ribbon that held it in place. "Look nice," Tira instructed, unnecessarily, when plans for the dinner-date were finalized; Tomoyo obeyed. Unthinkingly she had grabbed the purple ribbon from her dresser -- it was the only accessory that went with the shade of her dress. Only, it was the same ribbon given to her by Eriol year ago, playfully binding their wrists together as they walked through school grounds during the annual Valentines' Day fair in the university. Picking out that ribbon tonight was an omen, actually, as if foretelling the emotional turmoil she was to find herself in later on in the evening.

She's trying to be over him -- no, she WAS over him. She was. Really. She was over him when his kiss ceased to excite her, ceased to bring her to the pinnacle of ecstasy. She was over him when she let her emotions get the better of her, to cloud her better judgment and refuse to listen to him when he swore he was not seeing anybody else. She was over him when she decided to walk away from him, thinking some time apart would be best for both of them. She was over him when they spoke of promises to keep in touch, of possibilities to get back together after sorting things out, but both knew it was the end, anyway.

The end.

Then why was she pining for him like this? Why was she suddenly recalling every fleeting touch, every whispered word, the first night they had lain in bed? Why, was the date getting to her? Tomoyo wanted to scoff at the thought.

And found that she couldn't.

She grabbed her coat, deciding a walk would be best right now.


There was a celebration at the downtown park, which would eventually turn into a street party and festivities would ensue well into the morning, so Tomoyo avoided that path. She opted for the quieter side of town, where the crunch of the dry leaves under her shoe would send any unsuspecting passer-by (if there was any) jumping with a start. As she walked Tomoyo noted that the house lights were all dimmed; no one would be awake at this time of the night. Good, because she needed the silence to clear her thoughts.

She dug her hands deep into her pocket to keep her hands from freezing. The warmth of the thick cloth helped, but she balled her fists to ward off any more cold. Her hands closed around tiny objects. Curiously she pulled them out.

Godiva chocolates.

Tomoyo smiled, in spite of her melancholy. Sakura-chan loved these chocolates, especially those with fruit filling. Tomoyo used to give these to her all the time, during Valentine's day. "Exquisite," her best friend raved, and Tomoyo would be content in seeing her pert little mouth move in tiny chewing motions, savoring every bite, taking full delight in the rich flavor.

That was before they were old enough to understand the weighted significance of these exchange of sweets -- and before Li-kun was courageous enough to replace Tomoyo as Sakura's official chocolate supplier.

That was before he came along, too. Before they fell in love, before Tomoyo was ready to accept what he freely offered her, when she was simply content in making Sakura's day slightly sweeter.

When Eriol Hiiragizawa came into her life, Tomoyo gradually warmed up to the idea that a new recipient would be eager and happy to be given something (anything) from her. She had thought back to Sakura's innocent hesitation, years ago. "But, Tomoyo-chan, you should give this to the one you love... "

And for two years, Tomoyo followed her dear friend's implied advice. Eriol did like those with mint filling. But while she took delight in giving, he made her feel something more than mere joy; he made her feel that her effort was duly appreciated, that her gift was wanted, in the way she wanted them to. It had been... fulfilling, and Tomoyo later realized she enjoyed giving him these chocolates much, MUCH more than when she had presented Sakura with these.

She stared at the foil-covered sweets in her palm. On impulse she bought them at a candy shop yesterday while out for a much-needed caffeine break, and was struck with a sudden thought of him. Afterward she was almost sorry her thoughtless self took over that instant. She didn't really know what to do with these (she was never fond of dark chocolate OR mint) and so they remained, untouched, in her coat pocket. Tomoyo contemplated on devouring them right now, or dumping them to the nearest trash bin. Decisions, decisions. Sighing, she just put them back in her pocket.

"Nice night out for a stroll, isn't it."

Her head shot up at the sound of the all-too familiar baritone, whirling around at the direction of the voice. She managed to mask her surprise, one among a flurry of numerous emotions, with expert cool. He got away again with stealth rivaling a cat's; she prided herself on being able to tell when someone is approaching, especially on a place as quiet as this... but then again Eriol was not just anyone. As usual he was wearing that grin, but the smile did not light up his eyes -- not in the way she knew. Tomoyo was torn between turning on her heel, refusing to answer, and to stay long enough just to chat with him, admitting to herself that a part of her was hoping to run into him. Be careful what you wish for, an inside voice taunted her, but she brushed it aside. As of now, she could either be a coward, or she could be a risk-taker.

Tomoyo realized Eriol wasn't asking her a question; he was presenting her an excuse to start a conversation, to pry some more on why she was out, alone, tonight.

Well, why was he?

She glanced briefly down at her toes with a wry grin, the softest of a chuckle escaping her lips. "Yes, I suppose it is." She raised her gaze to the sky, noticing how the night didn't seem so black at all; an unlikely observation, since it was already close to eleven in the evening. Must be the effect of the moon, but the sky almost appeared... bluish, something resembling the darkest shades of navy blue: not quite black, but not blue, either.

Like his eyes, Tomoyo thought, her own shifting subconsciously to his. He was intent on watching her reaction, and it made her want to hide from and stand up to him at the same time.

Silence stretched between them. This was, needless to say, an uncomfortable moment. Neither knew what to say to the other; they were on neutral speaking terms, yes, but not more than a "hi" or "how was school?" when they found their voices to the telephone lines. When he informed her that he would be leaving for England, his other home, some weeks after they split up, they were as polite as two strangers could be. Strangers. It hurt her to see that they could easily throw away two years of blissful togetherness, sliding into comfortable masks of abstruse civility, for the sake of exemplary decorum.

Now that they were here, what was there to talk about? What topic was safe enough to tackle?

"What are you doing out this late?" Tomoyo began, crossing her arms under her breasts, alternately looking at him and at the sky.

"What about you?" he returned.

She arched an eyebrow. "I asked first."

A sly grin. "Nakuru and Spinel were driving me insane, and I was getting a little tired of their lectures. PLUS the threat of an ice-cold water fight this time of the night is not exactly --"

"Lectures?"

Eriol cleared his throat. "Oh. Those are... trivial. Nothing, really." His eyes then raked down the length of her body, examining her clothing. "Went out somewhere?" Eriol asked, casually gesturing to her attire.

Tomoyo looked down at her dress. She almost forgot she was still wearing it. "Yes. A friendly date, is all. Tira-chan was being mischievous again."

"Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah," she replied with a slight shrug, "I suppose I did."

A pause. Then, "Did you like him?"

Oh, he just felt he need to ask that, didn't he? "He's nice enough."

"Anybody I know?"

His penetrating gaze was trained on her again. In the past it either made her feel like the most loved woman in the world, or the most disgustingly enigmatic, that he would proceed in prying her secrets open. Now Tomoyo felt something in between, like a specimen under a microscope, and couldn't quite place what he was making her feel.

"Kamatari-kun, heard of him?"

"Last year's MVP for soccer?" Eriol ventured. At Tomoyo's nod, he saw room for teasing. "I didn't think you were into jocks, Tomoyo."

"I'm not," came the automatic defensive retort.

"Aa, yes," Eriol amended, his eyes glinting, "I seem to recall that you prefer the intellectual and gentlemanly type."

She blinked at him. A part of her wanted to force a laugh, just to let him see that no, he was NOT getting to her, but all she could manage was a wordless blink.

Eriol looked contrite almost immediately, though. "I'm sorry," he said ruefully, taking the moment to glance around their surroundings. Still not a solitary being in sight. "I... know how terribly awkward all of this is, but..." He raked his hand through his hair, then looked at her again. "We're here now, and I just... wanted to greet you a Happy Valentine's Day." A small smile tugged at his mouth. "For old times' sake."

She never knew that such a romantic greeting -- a simple phrase she had heard over and over again as she trudged through the day -- could sound so inexplicably sad and upsetting.

I can see the Valentine, but I sure am not happy, Tomoyo thought sullenly. Was he certifiably insane? Perhaps Nakuru and Spinel did break him down, somewhere, because no person in his right mind would be greeting a confused and lonely ex-girlfriend a happy valentine's day at quarter before midnight that same day. Especially if that ex-girlfriend suddenly entertained thoughts of longing for him...

Tomoyo gave herself a mental shake. She hoped she did not look as if she had gaped at him. Saying what she thought was the most appropriate response at the moment, a soft, unsure "Thanks" came out.

Another pause. The silence seemed suffocating, this time. Did he expect something in return? Tomoyo wondered. Goodness, she could not BEAR to return the greeting, if that was the message he was sending her. Her voice might crack, and that will be the end of her composure. Of all the things she despised most at this time, it was to break down in front of Eriol.

So she thrust her hands back in her pockets, racking her brain for something more to say.

Her hands closed in once more in those packaged little sweets. An idea popped into her head, and she knew then what she had to do at that instant.

But could she do it?

Tomoyo took a deep breath, courage surging through her veins, hoping this would be the right thing to do. I hope this will turn out well.

"I, uh, really wasn't planning on anything," she said, breaking the silence, the steadiness of her voice surprising her, "but running into you and all --" She reached for his hand, almost shyly, and placed the chocolates in his palm, curling his fingers over them. She was not going to notice how warm, familiar, and possibly delicious his skin felt; she would absolutely not.

She watched him open his hand, saw his eyes grow soft at the sight of Godiva, and she knew she must get out of here before the walls she built up came crashing down.

Before her dam of tears filled up, and gave way.

Tomoyo turned to walk away, not trusting herself to speak --

But his hand shot out and grabbed her arm. Wait.

Gently, he turned her around. She was staring again into those deep blue pools she could willfully drown in, absorbed in their depths, barely noting that his free hand had looped around her waist, pulling her to him. She became aware that his face was coming closer. And closer.

She had enough reflexes for her eyelids to flutter shut in anticipation of his kiss.

Tomoyo was awash in the sensation when their lips finally met. Eriol certainly bade his time in making this kiss as tender and as loving as he could: his lips leisurely took in her top lip first, then her bottom one, then taking in the entirety of her mouth, into a sweet, unhurried kiss. His one hand then moved up to massage the back of her neck, in the way he used to. It was maddeningly sensual, yet his deepest, truest emotions were conveyed in that kiss. Tomoyo would never be fooled.

He was trying to say that he's welcoming her back in his life, if she'd let him. If she'd wanted that.

His kiss was... perfect. Never imposing, but never too meek. As she had always known it to be. Never forcing her to go farther than she wanted, but setting her passions loose, all the same. Maybe it was witty manipulation; maybe it was just pure desire. She had always known it so, and had yearned for it again, yearned for him -- but she was too hurt, and was willing herself to be oblivious to it.

The kiss seemed to go on forever. But while she had blocked out everything else but Eriol's mouth fused with hers, a rational part of Tomoyo's mind was dictating that this was wrong; they shouldn't be doing this. They shouldn't confuse themselves more, complicate matters more, than they already have.

But something that felt so right couldn't be so wrong... could it?

Then, gently, as he had begun, Eriol pulled away. He brought his hand from the back of her neck to the side of her face, tracing the curve of her cheek, as Tomoyo slowly opened her eyes. She found him smiling at her, his gaze telling her renewed things she shut off some months ago, things she longed to hear again...

And then she knew, she just KNEW, that she had never gotten over him in the first place. Maybe she needed to get over the pain of practically losing him to another woman, but Tomoyo never got over Hiiragizawa Eriol.

But she needed to know that this was not just born out of the fact that they were both lost, forlorn, during this day, that this was not the result of a hormonal rush. She needed to be assured, that if this is the second beginning, she would not be led to another dead end.

She needed to be certain that the hand she dealt would not let her lose her ace.

Too much was already at stake.

But if the way his lips curved upwards was devoid of anything else, he was tentative. Pleading, even, for her to stay, to take him back -- if the slightly twitching corners of his mouth were any indication.

All of a sudden, her mind was made up.

Tomoyo allowed herself an equally serene smile before nodding. She realized it was the first real smile she offered him since they ran into each other tonight.

Eriol's eyes softened, blissful, and his head dipped again to kiss her once more.

No words were necessary.

His one perfect kiss was all it took... and she fell for him, all over again.