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Today has been a goooood day. See, and here you thought I never had good-days. I'm afraid this journal was a horrid idea, but I've got to keep at it or Dr. Clayton will have my head. She's always so worried about me. Everyone is, especially Rupert, which only makes me feel more guilty. But! On to what's been happening!

Even though I'm still struggling to catch up in school, I think that I'm going to get my scholarship back for sure now. *squeee!* I've not only had one meeting with the dean, but also, on her request, gone to the counselor as well, in hopes of her better understanding my... situation. I'm even going to have Dr. Clayton write me a long letter. I assume that they'll hold a conference about how screwed up I am, probably make me continue to see the counselor (even though I have Dr. Clayton), and hopefully, hopefully return my scholarship. Everyone cross their fingers, because God knows, even with how much I've been working lately (and suffering for it, Clayton's still on my back about over-working myself), I can't afford school without it. And school is one of the few normalities (when I can manage to go) I have these days.

I've caught up in my main theater class easily enough... I've even landed myself a main role!!!! xd I was hoping for more leads this year, thanks to my fantastic summer experience at the local theater (where I will return next summer), but recent circumstances make even a minor role exciting. We will be putting on "The Importance of Being Earnest" and I get to play Alfie. How utterly perfect is THAT?!?!! I've had to promise, though, that I will be at every class and every rehersal, and not looking like I've been fighting the Jets in a rumble every night. I promised, I know it's not a promise I can keep, but I can't keep pandering to Mitchell, letting him get to me, letting depression stop me from doing what I love. I haven't let Rupert know the severity of my school problems, I'm trying to work this out on my own. Even refused to let Dairoshi pay my way when he came into his money... obviously before he nearly tried to kill me.

Speaking of Mitchell, though, Dr. Clayton has suggested we put Rupert on medication. I believe the release forms specifically called them "mind altering drugs." I'm terrified for Rupert, but probably not as much as he is. But... we've got to try, don't we? For his sake... and for mine. I just don't trust this medication, I'd almost rather put up with Mitchell than risk loosing Rupert, or having him change. I don't want him to do it for me, either. We're discussing it on our next visit, which I'm dreading. So much has happened to me since my last session... more Mitchell, Rupert's concussion, Dairoshi and my fallout, Dairoshi and my fight, my continuing depression... Oh well. Life is life.

I'm meeting Hasami again tonight for a chat... probably not a pleasant one. She's limping now, I'm worried about her. She did disappear on me for months without a word, I can't help but feel hurt by that, but sometimes obviously bothering her... I think something happened to her and Dairoshi. I feel very... in the middle right now, and in the dark, and I do so hate that feeling. But whatever the conversation turns to, I've missed her so much, I can't wait to see her, now that she's staying. Maybe a the very least she can shed some light on Dairoshi. Maybe I'll even get her to go bowling. *snicker*

I've got to go practise my lines for "Earnest" later today. whee It's times like these where things seem almost normal, I forget Mitchell and Dairoshi and I get to loose myself in the character. I love theater, it keeps me going. I wonder if I can drag Hasami, Auggie, Rupert, and Dio to see me perform when it's time. I'm soooo excited. ^_^