R.I.P. Squiggles
2000-2007
There is so much I want to say, so much I want to tell you. You have been on my mind day after day since I found out the news of you running away. It's hard to explain the exact feelings I felt that day when my mom gave me that horrible news. Literally, my heart just shrunk and broke in half. You were the one thing I loved the most in this world.
As silly as it may seem, I loved you more than my family and friends put together. Just because you were a cat, I believe you were an angel sent from Heaven to take care of me through those rough times. All our memories together are forever sketched in my brain, my heart, my soul. And now, I realize I need you more than ever. Everything seems so...dark..so..there's no word to describe it. I'm beyond depression...without you, I'm less of a nice person than I was. I don't have someone to come home to and hold, play with, tell my secrets, who would just listen and make me feel 100% better. Yes I have my best friends in school, my mom, but I'll never share that bond with any of them as I shared with you.
I yearn for you to return to me, I beg God to send you back. I would do anything, give up anything, to just see you again. Every time I think of you, I can't hold back the tears. I just think of the last time I saw you..you were afraid and ran up on the roof. I came and got you ofcourse and I felt that you had some void between us. I guess maybe it was because you were mad at me for leaving. I'm mad at myself for that too..I wish I could've brought you to my dads..I wish I could've held you tight and told you how much you meant to me, how you meant the world to me. I wish I could've told you that I loved you more than anything in this world and nobody else could ever take your place. Animal or Human.
Living is hard these days...depression sinks in. When I'm upset, I can't just come home, play Steve Perry and hold you. All I do is cry, scream, wish myself dead or someone else. My anger is beyond control, I hate more than I love. I hate my sisters, I hate how my dad flips out, I hate half the people in this world. And all I try to tell myself when I think of you is that you were sent on a different mission to help another child that is upset and needs a friend. But that thought makes me even more depressed, angry, resentful to think someone else might be sharing your love and I'm not. Jealousy? Yes. But you were MY cat, my everything!
I loved how in the morning when I would walk down my hill to wait for the bus, you would follow and wait with me and then as the bus arrived, you would go back home. I loved how I came home from school and you were there to greet me and as I sat trying to do my homework, you would lay on it just for attention or you'd lay near me and watch me. I loved how every night you would sleep with me either on my chest, in the crook of my arms, near my stomache. I loved just holding you, talking to you, crying into your fur. I miss your purr, your meow, the way you would rub her cheek against my chin.
I miss you more than anything in this world. I miss you day in, day out. A good chunk of my heart will always be missing...forever. I love you Squiggles and I hope you know that. And I want you to know, I cried my eyes out writing this.
