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What gives you the right? You sit there, complaining, yelling, b***h at us, expecting us to be sympathetic, to be on your side, to feel sorry for you. When we try to explain our side, you blow us off. You act like you're better, like you're above us, as if you are the center of the world and we should all just drop what we're doing, bow down before the greatness that is you.
If I had no pride, I would bow, cower in fear before the wicked witch of the north. If I were lower than dirt, I never would try to defy you, to be my own person. If I were less than who I am, I would bend to your will, do everything I could to make you happy, to like me. If I truly thought you were better than me, that you deserved my pity, my respect, my mind, my time, I would give it.
You act like you're the worst case scenario. As if you're finical problems are the worst that is out there. News flash, they aren't. I know those who are worse off. You complain about not being able to do this or that because you have no money. Here's a hint, you're not doing anything to help yourself. There are jobs out there. Get off your lazy a** and look. You complain that you can't waste money, but you skip class at least once out of the two times it meets a week. Then you have the gull to sit there and complain you don't understand, to demand that i help you only to throw a fit and tell me I'm wrong, that I know nothing of what I'm saying.
You feel lost, unsure of where to go. You're trying to change the direction of you're future, unsure if your major is what you truly want. You want my pity. You want my help. You want me to give some mircaclous words of wisdom and make the whole world make sense and change for your benefit. When I told you I was suffering the same thing, you told me I would never be happy. That I was doomed to spend my life miserable and alone. How can I show pity, compassion, and understanding when you make me feel lower than dirt.
You want me to help, but you sit there and tell me that there is something wrong with me. Because i'm not like you, because I won't see the world through your eyes, there is something seriously wrong with me.
You treat me like a child. You tell me when to go to bed, when to get up. You badger and lecture telling me what I can and cannot do. You hypocrite. You turn around and throw tantrums at eight in the morning when others are sleeping. You won't get help when you need it. You find excuses for everything. You act like a child. You take what others have paid for, worked for, and use it. Why bother to replace it or buy it yourself? You know I will eventually have to get it again myself. You act like you're better. You're not
You act like you can see things, but in reality you are blind. You don't think before you act. You make others feel lower than dirt. You expect me to clean up after you or just leave it be. You can't be bothered to pull your weight. Your personal life is too important. You want help , but won't explain. You expect so much yet give nothing.
How can I continue to put up with this? Why must I lose sleep over your behavior? Why must I feel more weight on my shoulders when you're around? Why is it I have to wonder and worry? I want to expect you to do simple things like lock the door, tell me if I have to stay up just so you can get in, let me know if you are hurt. You have left the door unlocked all night, you act high and mighty and that if it's not you, none of it matters. You enjoy making me feel like I am nothing.
Near you, I am nothing. I am less of a person. My feelings matter not and my mind is nothing but mush. I am a warped, pitiful excuse for a human being because i don't see the world your way. Because I find relief in writing and enjoy expressing myself in such a way, I am in the wrong. I am warped. I do not get your jokes therefore I have no humor. I do not see the importance of your little, every day typed problems, little things that happen to everyone, I am heartless. Because I cannot see how insignificant I am compared to you, i am arrogant.
In other words, because of you I am a warped, humorless, heartless, pitiful excuse for a human. I am nothing. Thanks to you, I feel this. You take advantage of my difficulty to make friends. Kicking me when I'm down, alone, miserable, depressed, you make me feel low, like I am the worst person to ever exist.
I am nothing, you are everything. that is the ruling of this world in which I am to live. You are the wicked witch, I am the munchkin. You are the Trunchbull, I am Matilda. You are King Louie XVI, I am a peasant. While in the stories such villains have their day coming and see it, you never will. Not with me. Because i am the lowly mix breed(having lived in so many places therefore I can not be seen as a norther by here.) fool trying to keep peace, you will win. I will continue the down hill slope.
Only one more semester. That is how I survive. One more semester, then I never see you again. Oh Heavenly Father, give me strength, let me live, I beg you to help me last.
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*A/N: Just a quick explination for "mix breed". For this I mean basically I have lived in many places. I spent a good number of years in Europe, lived in the northern midwest of America for a while before moving to the south for six years and finally returning to the northern midwest for college. Because of this, the person I am writing about cannot possibly see me as someone from the same area.
I'm sorry for such a rant. It doesn't make me look like the best person, but this has been going on for a while....the worst of it for five weeks. I know when it gets to the point where someone makes me cry, it's bad. If you want to comment, go ahead. Frankly, some advice is much appreciated.
Shuro