Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

o.o people think Im heartless. This is my conclusion after a long trial and error period. So yeah I know I do and say some bad things but I also know that everyone does from time to time. I just used to do it way to much. So the equation is thus, boy+other girls/lies/lack of attion/ect.=crazy major pissed off sarah who will not shut up. >.< to harsh? nah. so i have this thing with being jelious. Every girl gets jelious right? No not like this. Im talking way overbord I wont even trust my friends around bfs overbord (exaturation) but I just have a hard time with trust! At least I have reasons tho. Some people are just cold hearted bitches for the fun of it. So #1 is TRUST. Second equation, person says somthng and it is taken the wrong way. WARNING! IF PMSING BEWARE! PROCEED WITH CAUTION! People should honestly just watch how they say stuff (hipocrit <.< wink it really does change the entire corse of a friendship/relationship if you sound like a b***h/a*****e. #2 MISSCOMUNICATION. Moving on I would like to point out that I really am the queen of ice. I was told by a ex that I had a heart of ice. *shrugs* I like ice personally .w. (craving ice water) but thing is I call names as well. When hurt or mad some people lash out. I kinda can get that way. I used to be way nasty about it but latley I dont do it. Not more then anyone else anyway which is a big improvement i might add. After getting used and tossed around a bit I found there was nothing I could call the guy to make the pain go away (I did find guns work just as well tho! ^-^) so I just couldnt get it to stop by making my ever so pissed emotions flow from the pit of my belly and when I tryed he could always find somthing to spew at me. So finding a new way to show how Im feeling has been a big thing with me and I found that writing has really helped. I never thought it would but it helps me look at situations from 3rd person point of view so I can anilize the situation before acting on my pure animal instinct (cause as much pain as fast as possible) #3 NAME CALLING. So it turns out Im violent. I used to only think guys got that way but looking at some of the stuff Ive done its way clear. Once me and a friend had a dissagreement (just way mad at eachother) so we had some kinda sack down of sorts in his livingroom. I pounded his head aginst the wood floor a few times o.o (he had ripped a handfull of hair off my head) A day later I didnt even remember going to visit him (loss of hair possibly effect memory? Conclusion unclear at this point in time) turns out all we needed was to beat the snot out of eachother for awhile then we went back to normal. WARNING! IF BOY FRIEND ATTEMPTS TO BEAT THE SNOT OUT OF YOU SEEK HELP ASAP! NOT OK TO BEAT GIRL FRIEND IN THIS COUNTRY!(same goes for you guys that get abused!) So my bf used to have an anger issue. It never caught my attion till his arm was in a cast from punching somthing or other (object highley classifyed) once he told me he had punched a hole in his wall cus of a fight we had the flashing red lights lit up and I had to bail. If he was putting holes through walls over petty fights what would happen if we got into a big one?! Well it turned out he just needed a way to express his anger. After he found out that that was why I broke up with him he tried really hard to improve which he did! Another case of anger was a bf I had last fall. I ended up dating this guy (gawd knows why) who would get really wild and sometimes he would get hurt or people who were with him would get hurt. He was always so down and thought he was such a bad person because of this. He only hurt me on a few occasions by twisting my wrist (should not have done this cus mine are prone to snap from previous breakage) or grabing my arm and squeezing till it hurt. He didnt mean to tho. He wasnt trying to hurt me but he startles easy and he just acts without thinking. If he had been very violent I would have worried but the fact that he would get upset for hurting the people he cared about showed me he was honest in that respect. Some people just hurt others no intention or outlet to express themselves. #4 HURTING


So seeing as I think these are wrong or missenturperted am I still a heartless b***h? (leaves Rita out in the snow for two hours while i sleep through 4 alarm clocks) ok dont answer that -_-,