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"It's in the way that
you close your eyes...
It's in the way that
you say, your goodbyes...
Your goodbyes..."
You know...I'm confused. I'm getting better but damn if I'm not confused. I ALMOST feel like I can move about without being stuck in the past. ALMOST. But then I read something or hear a song that makes me go: "You know...I'm not okay." I'm comfortable with somethings, and absolutely not with others. And, with some of the ones I'm not okay with, I look at them now and again and wonder why they hang me out to dry.
I know what I love in people...but I can only ever find bits and pieces of what I adore. I really, really, really hate trusting people. There's just something that I can't do. I've lost an integral part of something that I need to get back. I guess....I'm not even sure where I lost it. Or when.
I dunno what to do. The year's almost up and I'm still confused about some things. Some people never grow up. Some never move on. Some scare the ever loving crap out of me.
And I find myself gravitating to the same kinds of people. I find the ones that have an interest in the things that I can't really talk about with just ANYONE. (I mean...you don't discuss therianthropy or some such things with your average Joe. Especially not in the Bible Belt.) It just happens. I have a knack for finding people with an interest in something...else.
My dowsing yields strange results that contradict themselves on the things I really need answers on...and others come out clear as day, but leave me wondering.
I've been feeling weird...energy works is sporadic at best and nonexistent at worst...and my body is...well, for lack of better words not behaving. Weird things just keep happening. Things that, aren't normal for just about anyone I know...and that worries me a little.
I miss my friends...the friends that really do matter to me. They're all scattered about the world and here I am...just as scattered in a collected form. It's just...saddening. I'm having to live without them....almost completely in a lot of ways.
I guess I'm just scared. I no longer know what to believe or who to believe....nor what to believe in. I know what I've read and what I've been told and taught...but I wonder now, what I really should believe. I'm making this a learning experience, one where I develop myself into what I need to be. But the hitches are hard. And I'm stuck right now, in a rift.
You. Come back.
You. Move on.
You. Leave me be.
You. Let me think.
I really wish I could say that to a few people. I really and honestly do. But I'm nice, so here it will stay. Impersonal...unattached to specific people.
Enough with me whining. The end.
 Tsume Rokaro · Tue Apr 20, 2010 @ 09:42pm · 0 Comments |
