Song: Last night, good night.
I was thinking about it last night. I sent a text to someone I use to really care about. I messed up by doing the right thing. I should have been more selfish when it came to them. But I wanted this person to stand with out my help before I could be with them. I look back now and I see them sitting in the darkness. An that is fine for me. I can handle it. I spent a lot of my time there. But I won't let any one I know and care about sit there in pain when I can do something about it. But I can no longer help this person.
They are lost now. One thing I was never good at was giving up. I hate the feeling. Like I was bested in some way. Like I didn't do good enough. Now normally I would walk away with out saying anything to this person. But I will say good bye to them this time. They were very special to me. So I feel like I owe them that much. Another thing I hate doing is breaking my word. This will make two times now. Something I had wanted to do for this person that I can no long do.
The first time I had given my word to stay with someone no matter what. I broke that because this person wasn't good for me. An I cut them out of my life. It still bothers me. This time it's a little different. I just said I would do something for them. But I won't. It's better that I don't. Reason being that I have changed. An I want to move away from the things that hurt me to help others. To change I have done something that can not be undone. But I am fine with that. And i have also found something new.
Something new
This thing I have found. It is the power to stand on my own. I use to rely on the one I loved for my happiness. But I won't do that any more. It's a lot of work. Also it gets lonely. But in the end it is better for you.
I believe in me who believes in my self.
Anyways if this person doesn't text me back by 7:00pm my time I will be saying good bye forever to said person. An while it is a sad thing, I need to move on. I can not stay were I am no longer needed. Always been my rule. Wish me luck.
Lastly, I would just like to say thanks to the few friends I have here that do help me.
To the ones that give me a hand up if I need it or not.
To the ones that kick me in the a** when I am being stupid.
To the ones that tell me I am "being emo and need to cut that s**t out."
To the ones that watch out for me when I am not even thinking about it.
I thank you all.
I would also like to take the time to name two people and thank them.
Reki-shan
Rocky Whorror
You two have helped me most since I have returned. I just thought I would list you two. ;o Much love from Tama to you both. <3
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Bunny's thoughs.
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