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What happens when I see a picture in a resturaunt of the Pope hanging next to a picture of "Big Al" Capone? I have a field day, that's what (Although none of this in anyway conveys emnity towards those of the Catholic faith). Ladies and Gentlemen, I offer this for your consideration; The Pope's Mafia, otherwise known as "The Heaven's Angels" (a self-defeating title yes, but are you going to be the first to get the cement tithe box because you argued with them?). Everyonce in awhile, when things in the Vatican get stale, they go into town to raise some heaven (they're very original as you can see).

 

Obviously, the head of the whole thing is The Pope himself. Pope John "The Father" Paul III. He's the big daddy of the group. If somthing happens, you can bet that it'll be The Father you'll be getting a visit from.

 

(DREAM SEQUENCE!!!!)

EX1: "vinny, you haven't paid your tithe this month."

 

"I'm sorry Father, bussiness has been slow."

 

"Twenty percent, that's all I ask. Is that too much to ask?"

 

"Twenty? I thought it was only ten?"

 

"Shaddup'a'you'face! You tryin' to tell me how much the tithe is?"

 

"Well, I just firgured, y'know, Tithe, Ten?"

 

"Shaddup!"

 

See? That oughta get you to tithe. 'Course, he doesn't always just come for tithes. You should see what he does when he just wants a pizza.

 

EX2: *Pope enters bistro*

 

"Ah, Father! Take a seat, please. What'll it be?"

 

"Ah, thank you my son. I'll have a small pepperoni pizza and a coke."

 

"Yes Father."

 

*The Pope checks inside his robes and finds that he has forgotten his wallet. He now has several options before him. Soon, the waiterreturns with his food and later his check.*

 

"That'll be 16.75, Father."

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"16.75, Father."

 

"Do you see this hat? Do you know who I am? I am the Pope! I could excommunicate you so fast it would make your head spin! Although, I sense that this resturaunt of yours is cursed. Yes, the smell of ol' Lou is thick here."

 

"Lou, Father?"

 

"Yes, Lucifer. Stand back! This place needs a blessin' big time!"

 

So as you can see, anytime His Holiness is a little short on cash, he just pulls this "cursed resturaunt" bussiness. Some of his favorite lines upon entering a resturaunt include "I smell Satan" "Did that chair just levitate?" "Oh! did you see that demon!"

 

Next on the list is Archbishop "Blessin' Mad" Smith. A bit of an oddball, y'see, the Archbishop is somewhat obsessed with blessing people. He'll just be walin' down the street, blessin' away. Handin' 'em out like candy! But beware of his "bless of death".

"In the name of the Father, in the name of the Son, and in the name of the Holy Spirit, go in Peace."

And you better, because boy are you gonna need it.

 

"Is that a crucifix in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

 

The muscleman of the group (there always is one), or at least she would be if she was actually a man, is known only as "The Sister". If someone needs to be roughed up, or an excorcism turns ugly, they call in The Sister. In the world of Illegal Underground Nun Wrestling, the Sister was found by His Holiness and admitted into his little group of heaven-raisers. The silent nun punches first and asks questions later (or at least she would if she ever spoke). She is also the efficient driver of the Heaven's Angels personal golden Cadillac, appropriatly chrisened "The Holy Roller"