Ahhhhh I feel the angry wave coming on again....why do I get like this....why am I talking so ******** much today? Oh yeah, I saw a guy that looked kinda like you today. I just starred like a dumbass. You know what would make my entire life? You just...randomly showing up...and maybe just talking for a while. And even if you left like. A half hour after I'd still be so happy. I'm still trying to deny the angry wave...I think thats gonna be my official name for it now x.x My emotions are just outta wack because I miss you a lot...like....a lottt...I keep cuddling my pillow...and I dont know weather to be angry or sad. I'm trying to think it there would be anything else I would want to tell you....If we talked again. Some fat b***h tried to call me fat...so I asked her if she thought she was looking in a mirror x.x I thought you might appreciate that if I ever had the chance to tell you....
I really wanna try to stop being angry....I'm just gonna try to have fun typing dots instead....................................................... . . . . . . . .
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I feel delusional...I need sleep...I wish you would just ******** talk =/ I really miss you....I'm practically talking to myself anyway on here...it would prolly piss you off if you saw all this. Or maybe you'd this its sweet? I duno. I wish I never messed up. I wish I could like. Sneak into your bedroom and pull out the piece of your brain that remembers me. I would really suffer then with the memories..Your pretty much right about everything..but I dont think I could ever admit it...id feel so...helpless..and just plain stupid..and I never wanted to look stupid in front of you..I feel like a leech that just ate up two years of your soul.
And I just realized I still have your voice on my ipod..........from when you sent me the copy of you singing Your Guardian Angel...At least I got to hear your voice...
It finally just dawned on me...why I kinda crave self pitty.....
I think its because you were never here in person. More then 90 percent of the time I just want you to hold me and say it'll be okay. And I never had to have that with you....and its like....there were some reeaalllyyy bad things you said to me. And I guess I never let them go..due to the physical aspect we never had. Sooo I guess thats kinda why I get mad. maybe It's just stupid. I;m sure youve wanted the same type of thing....comfort. i've really never had another guys caring touch. Like. ACTUAL caring touch....and I guess I jsut wanted yours =/ I wish I thought of this sooner to say to you....It kinda does explain a lot. Like with recent fights. I still want the comfort from past issues that I never had..and I guess it built up? Like..I know I'm at fault and all..but I never had the comfort for other things...something to relax me I guess...
I need to stop.
I need sleep.
I need to stop rambling....maybe I'll move to Tumblr. Its ramble city on there.
Okay.
Sweet Dreams.
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1000 Years
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